For years people have pondered the greatest question raised by the Disney film Frozen. And their question is simple: why did the company give this movie its mysterious title?
Some have suggested that maybe it’s got something to do with that wintery – some might say “frozen” – locale in which the bulk of the film takes place. Or perhaps it’s because the plot which involves a queen of ice letting her heart thaw so that she might let herself feel love again, and who also has the power to freeze stuff.
Hell, there’s a character who is literally a snowman.
In fact, as mysteries that need solving go, “why is Frozen called Frozen?” seems pretty low on the list. It really couldn’t have a more literal title without being called Adventure Princess Sisters Do Singing.
And that, according to conspiracy theorists with time on their hands, is exactly what Disney want you to think.
See, as everyone knows, Walt Disney was obsessed with cryogenics and was himself “frozen” upon his death in 1966 in order to be revived in the future when we discover a cure for [consults cause of death] circulatory collapse caused by lung cancer. Is… is that something we’re looking into?
Of course, the future will also have to have a cure for being cremated, because Walt was in no way cryogenically frozen and in all ways burned into ashes.
Anyway: like all global mega-companies, Disney were determined to keep the truth about their founder hidden. And thus, a mere 47 years later, they leapt into action.
And they did that by releasing a film which would ensure that Google searches for “Walt Disney” and “frozen” would not bring results rich in cryogenic conspiracy but instead a heartwarming tale celebrating the unbreakable bond between moose and woodsman. IT’S THE PERFECT CRIME.
And now, with Frozen II set for release this November the (not) truth about Walt will be buried under even more animated propaganda, like so much… um, that white stuff. It’s like water, but… you know, made all our of cold. What’s the adjective again? Starts with F.