Bleats

This Kid Winning $4.3M By Playing Fortnite Is The Biggest Up Yours To Uptight Parentals

Stay in game, kids!

It’s a sad day for parents who’ve wanted to castigate their children for wasting their time with video games as a Fortnite player is now over four million dollars richer having just won an international competition in what the e-sport.

Kyle Giersdorf – aka Bugha – has taken out the solo finals of the Fortnite World Cup and scored the equivalent of a $4.3 million first prize, and also made himself an unassailable comeback for 14 year olds of all ages.

For comparison, the Wimbledon first prize money is $2.98 million, and last year’s PGA golf tournament winner Brooks Koepka walked away with $2.86 million. So the lesson here is that these elite athletes are basically wasting time they could have spent playing video games.

Mr and Mrs Djokovic must be SO disappointed in their underachieving son.

The team event has the same winner’s pot (although split, obviously) with the European duo of Nyhrox and Aqua, aka Emil Bergquist and David W, whose very names prove that games players are the new superstar DJs and music is also over.

What sports victories look like now.

So remember kids: stop wasting time learning things and get better at lasering from the slip. Screentime is the only way to secure your future.

Fortnite Has In-Game Unicorn Floaties And Here's Where To Find Them

Because when you're fighting for survival, it's fun to forage for inflatable horsies!

Pride Month has just concluded in the US and Fortnite have celebrated with special themed collectibles as part of their 14 Days Of Summer event which is presumably designed to remind us that we just don’t matter to Fortnite’s opinion of seasons. Honestly, there’s an entire southern hemisphere down here.

Anyway: today’s is rainbow-emblazoned unicorn floaties!

Um, not this.

As it’s obviously a time-sensitive sort of a thing, in that the game is time limited and that you only have a short window to beat each challenge during this festive so-called “summer”, you’ll want to get in asap.

And that means you need to get three from the following locales (and there may be more as yet undiscovered!):

  • The beach party between Fatal Fields and Paradise Palms
  • Dusty Divot, pond at the northern edge
  • Lonely Lodge, water to the north
  • Lazy Lagoon: one in the Lagoon (under the bridge to the pirate ship),
  • Another in the hot spring northeast of Lazy Lagoon
  • North of Loot Lake
  • The southern (only) water in Fatal Fields
  • Swimming pool at Paradise Palms

Also, you’ll score yourself a festival yellow and pink wrap if you succeed, which is nice in these wintery times.

So what are you waiting for? Those floaties aren’t going to search and loot themselves, you know.

Sony Is Outing Playstation Jerks And It's Absolutely Perfect

They're flagging the fraggers

It’s been a dark day for Playstation Network’s premier edgelords.

Just imagine: you log into Call of Duty and abruptly find that your awesome snowflake-triggering gamer name has been changed to Temp787875. B-but what has happened? How will people know that you’re a totally badass bigot?  Is it a conspiracy? Is this censorship? Is it political correctness GONE MAD???

And the answer is yes, pretty much.

“WHY AM I EVEN USING A WIRED CONTROLLER????”

Sony quietly rolled out a surprise change to their T&Cs around offensive usernames, meaning that if a name is flagged by another user as being offensive it will be looked at by moderators. If they agree, it’s immediately erased and replaced with a temporary name until the user can come up with something less stupid.

It’s a somewhat more elegant – and also playfully infuriating – option than banning the person outright or erasing someone’s game ID from the system. They get to keep their achievements and so on, they just get a nice public reminder to play nice.

The bonus with this is that Sony have now equipped offensive players with a nice obvious red flag for other players to see and go “whoa, a Temp? I’m not activating voice chat, no-o-o-o-o-o.”

Why can’t we all just get along, playerz? WHY CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

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