2018 for many has been one big dumpster fire, and with all those big red buttons sitting around, it feels like we’re closer than ever to being nuked out of existence.
If the nuclear winter does indeed hit, there are many questions that apocalypse survivors may be asking, such as: What protein sources will be available if President Trump mistakes the nuclear button for the one he presses to order Diet Coke?
Well, how about cockroach milk?
Just think, kale was once deeply unfashionable.
Quinoa was not only mysterious, but unpronounceable (well, that’s still true).
So why can’t cockroach milk be the next superfood?
It should be noted that cockroaches are lacking, er, nipples, so put away your milking stool.
It isn’t technically “milk” as such, but rather, the delicious post-natal fluid is secreted in the form of crystals by one type of roach, the Pacific beetle.
Researchers in India have claimed that the “milk” has many nutritional benefits, and speaking to the Times of India, one of the main researchers, Sanchari Banerjee spoke glowingly of the powers of this awesome superfood.
“The crystals are like a complete food – they have proteins, fats and sugars. If you look into the protein sequences, they have all the essential amino acids.”
It also has four times as much protein as cow’s milk.
I’m sold!
But is it any good?
Well, according to those who have had the good fortune to consume this heavenly concoction, they have noted that it tastes like cow’s milk.
And given that cows, almonds, oats, soybeans, sheep, macadamias, coconuts and (oh no) goats are all unlikely to survive a nuclear blast, this might be the only faux-dairy option when you’re craving a tinned-peach smoothie in your fallout shelter.
But for now, being down with cockroach milk is a major influencer move – just think of the #ad money you can generate touting the benefits of cockroach milk on Instagram.
#influencer