Bleats

Avocado Toast Infused Chocolate Bars Are Now A Real Thing That Feels Like Parody And The Reactions Are Hilarious

Is nothing sacred?

As someone who loves both avocado toast and chocolate I want to start by saying that I have never asked for these two foods to be combined, nor do I know of anyone, anywhere, ever who has thought this was a good idea.

Until now. The high profile Los Angeles chocolatier Compartés has just released a California Avocado chocolate bar that literally puts avocado and bread into white chocolate and calls it dessert.

This video of the making of the new delicacy feels legitimately like parody, and good parody. But alas, they are being serious.

I’m sorry but –

Surely not.

Except for a few unhinged individuals who are under the false-impression that this is acceptable food-related behaviour, the general consensus to this creation is nope.

Me too Earl, me too.

But while the whole thing does come off like a perfect parody of our millennial obsession with avocado toast, I refuse to accept that millennials are to blame for this travesty.

This feels less like the work of millennials and more like the work of a think tank of old mates brainstorming things that millennials like to try to sell us stuff.

Especially because Compartés has titled themselves “the nation’s hippest and most trendsetting chocolate shop”, and they’ve cottoned onto the popularity of Avocado toast extremely late – referring to it as “The most trendy food of 2018″.

The kids they like avocado toast Carl! And they like chocolate! There’s something there.

The bottom line is that avocado toast should be treated with respect, and not as a gimmick to be dragged into places it doesn’t belong. Like chocolate.

Two Heroes Are Suing McDonald’s For Millions Because There’s No Damn Discount For Ordering Without Cheese

Finally someone is taking a stand against the unacceptable discrimination lactose intolerant people face under a capitalist regime. Pay up, Macca's.

In a landmark case for lactose-free people all over the globe, two McDonald’s customers from Florida have filed a case against the fast food chain for charging them full price for burgers even though they’re not having cheese.

Finally.

The Florida man and woman are demanding $6.5 million from Macca’s to cover the damage.

As someone who is lactose intolerant and constantly a victim to the extra cost of unwanted cheese, I can confirm that this amount seems fair.

Get it.

Cynthia Kissner and Leonard Werner, who will forever be known as heroes to the cheese-free community, argue that while hamburgers and cheeseburgers are differently priced on the McDonald’s menu, when they order a Quarter Pounder sans dairy, they’re forced to pay the same amount.

The cheese-scam goes deeper: according to the civil claim, filed on May 8 in Fort Lauderdale seeking class-action status, McDonald’s used to sell four different Quarter Pounder options, two of which came without cheese and cost between 30 to 90 cents less.

But now, with our right to choose (cheese) stripped away from us, the lawsuit states that “customers have been forced, and continue to be overcharged for these products, by being forced to pay for two slices of cheese, which they do not want, order, or receive, to be able to purchase their desired product”.

A McDonald’s spokesperson has responded to the suit, telling USA Today that the company does “not believe the claims in this lawsuit have legal merit.” But we’ll just see about that, won’t we?

Lactose intolerant rights need to be a priority. I stand with Florida Man and Woman.

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