On paper the job of being the new leader of the Labor Party should be a joy. After years of in-fighting the party are united and focussed, it enjoyed a lower swing against it that its major rivals, the Coalition, and its been polling brilliantly for years!
Of course, the party did just lose the supposedly unlosable election, a full-court press of the party and the union movement for a fairer Australia was rejected by the voters over a government who barely unveiled a policy, and they’re in a worse electoral position than they were before the election.
Also, we’ve learned that Australian polling is garbage.
The party are gutshot and disillusioned. So, who wants to jump up and be the new boss?
ANTHONY ALBANESE
He’s recognisable, he’s got that Bob Hawke working class larrikin charm about him and a Keating-esque turn of phrase which would likely be given full flight in parliament.
And, significantly, he’s always been seen as Shorten’s rival and therefore has less of the stink of failure about him right now.
TANYA PLIBERSEK
Why? Long time Labor deputy leader, well liked in the electorate, articulate and capable and endorsed by both Shorten and Julia Gillard. That alone… look, it doesn’t feel like it would be a plus with the electorate right at this moment. Not least because you can easily imagine the other parties dusting off their old anti-Gillard memes and updating the names.
Also, not that you asked, but it’s worth noting that an Albanese/Plibersek leadership team isn’t going to happen: both are Labor Left and are in neighbouring inner-city NSW electorates. Labor’s leadership team traditionally splits on factional and geographical lines, and in recent years on gender lines too (Hence: Shorten right-faction from Melbourne, Plibersek left-faction from Sydney).
So who else is in the running?
CHRIS BOWEN
The current shadow treasurer is another party stalwart and… look, who’d recognise him in a police line up? Also, as the man behind so many of the policies which got the party thumped in the polls he’d have a target written on his face from the second he nominated.
TONY BURKE
He’s articulate, he’s outspoken, he’s quick with a quip and if you squint he looks a bit like Tony Slattery from Mad Men. He was another of Shorten’s key advisors, but he still has an anonymity about him which might mean he comes across as a cleanskin – but again, who’d recognise him?
JIM CHALMERS
He’s not well known, which might actually be a plus on the current environment, and he’s from Queensland – the state in which Labor need to dramatically improve their appeal. Then again, he’s also pretty new and while Rankin is a historically safe seat it’s gotten more marginal after this election.
PENNY WONG
Not possible, because she’s in the senate and since the government is formed in the House of Representatives, the Prime Minister has always been the leader of the party in the lower house. Fun fact: there’s no Constitutional reason that a PM can’t be in the senate, it’s just incredibly impractical.
Thus she’d realistically need to quit the senate and run for election in a lower seat electorate – presumably in a by election – and then there’s another issue: typically parties like their leaders to come from one of the big eastern states because there’s a perception that they have a local influence that can sway a bunch of seats. Wong is from SA, which has a mere ten electorates. Not. Happening.
Anyway, we think there’s only one realistic option:
THE GHOST OF BOB HAWKE
It’d be an unconventional choice, sure, but at least we know he’s loved by the public. Also, presumably he could physically campaign by just drifting into people’s houses, which would make for a hell of a ground game.