OK, I just can’t take it anymore.
The hoopla, the hubbub, the hullabaloo.
I need to know – why do people love Eurovision so damn much? Am I the only one who thinks it’s entirely ridiculous and frustratingly pathetic?
Am I missing something? Have I overlooked some pivotal aspect of the competition that draws in viewers from all over the world?
I find myself asking these questions every year around this special time when we’re subjected to the hopeless songs, the horrific costumes, and the ridiculous performances that make me wince in near physical pain whenever I’m exposed to anything Eurovision related.
Maybe there’s something wrong with me, because I legitimately feel like the idea of sharing a few bottles of champagne at a Eurovision viewing party sounds about as fun as swallowing a razor-blade.
These are musical acts that we would never bother giving any attention to under any other circumstance – so why are we so obsessed with these glorified children’s party variety acts?
You know the bands that play novelty gigs at kid’s parties?
I’d literally rather watch that… with a fork in my eye and a screaming baby in my lap.
I get that the lameness of Eurovision draws people in, but our time is precious – who wants to waste hours watching performances by artists we’ve never heard of wearing costumes that look like they’re been stitched together in the dark with whatever clothes have been left on the dance floor after a three day techno rave at Berghain?
Just because something is big and shiny doesn’t mean it’s good.
Just because something is loud and commanding doesn’t mean it’s worth listening to.
Just because something is super bad, doesn’t mean it’s super good. Or good at all.
Maybe we’re all lying? Maybe no one actually likes Eurovision and we’re all just pretending because we don’t want to appear like the odd one out.
I’m happy to be that angry person on the sidelines shaking their fist at the television.
None of what Eurovision does makes sense and we’re actively getting dumber by tuning in.
We’re also all horrible people – because while we’re sitting at home laughing at the acts, the guys and gals on stage are taking their performances deadly seriously.
And yes, I know this is the competition that discovered ABBA, but if that’s the only ace up the sleeve of Eurovision supporters, then it’s about time to come up an argument that isn’t literally 44 years old.
Oh, I guess there was Celine Dion too but she was always going to do well no matter what so it doesn’t count.
Eurovision is corny, it’s kitschy, and I’m so damn uncomfortable with how comfortable these terrible acts appear to be on stage.
We think they’re lame, but they legitimately think they’re cool. And that really irks me.
Maybe it’s because I grew up spending half my life in Germany and Belgium and was subjected to all the cheesy and misguided Europeans attempts at cool music and television… It was horrible and clearly, I’m still scarred.
I was always so embarrassed and desperate for music from back home or the US. I guess that hasn’t changed.
I will never quite understand why Eurovision is met with so much press coverage in Australia – outlets and stations sending their talent to the other side of the world to cover this fiery trashcan of an event.
Don’t even get me started on Australia’s involvement in the actual competition… (no, we do not belong there, it’s called Eurovision).
If I’m going to spend my time watching a performance on television, I want songs I know, and tunes I can sing along to.
I don’t want to be distracted by random on-stage antics… I’ve got the VMA’s for that.
Eurovision, please go away forever.
Sincerely, your must disgruntled viewer.