Jair Bolsonaro, the far-right president of Brazil, is infamous for railing against political correctness – and attacking as many people as possible in the process. He’s been called the ‘Trump of the Tropics’, and not without reason. But surely, no matter what your political beliefs, we can all draw the line at state intervention in our bathroom habits.
Bolsonaro is enduring (justified) criticism over his handling of deforestation in the Amazon, which is to say that he is not handling it at all, and is instead covering up the total lack of handling by sacking the scientists. Perfecting the art of political theatre, he responded to questions about it by suggesting: “It’s enough to poop every other day.”
Instead of doing his job and protecting the environment through legislation and enforcement, the Brazilian president chose to shift the blame completely, putting the onus on citizens to “eat a little less” – because less Number Twos will somehow “be better for the whole world,” apparently. Good lord, it’s the plastic straw debate all over again.
Mad respect for any Brazilians who are going to work constipated to fulfil their duty to the planet, but holding it is not going to solve global warming. Sorry. Yes, there is methane in human excrement, but it doesn’t even begin to compare to the carbon storage capability of the Amazon rainforest.
That’s not to mention how bad for your health it is to hold it. If you’re going every second day and that’s normal for you, then doctors say you’re in the clear. But if you’ve stopped going for eco-cred then you could end up with constipation and distended bowels. It can even have an impact on your sex life. And if you wait too long, you might need a, erm… manual extraction.
Besides, if Jair Bolsonaro was just a tad more proactive, he could actually be harvesting Brazilian poop for the greater good! Environmental scientists have been suggesting for years that we start using our gross toilet water for fertiliser, and RMIT researchers have investigated the possibility of using biowaste to make bricks.
Poop away, pals.