Bleats

Your Emoji Game Could Be The Difference Between Being Found Guilty Or Innocent In Court

*Slightly smiling emoji that may or may not be passive aggressive*

Emojis are steadily taking over every day conversation and the ever growing lexicon of said emojis is a testament to that little notion.

While we really don’t have anything to worry about emojis (other than stressing over whether the slightly smiling face emoji you’ve been sent is positive or some passive aggressive shade), lawyers and judges are probably wishing that these things would just disappear because it’s making their job far more difficult than it should be.

According to CNN, emojis are showing up in more court cases in the United States and both lawyers and judges are struggling mightily in tackling the nuances of emojis when they’re presented as evidence.

*confused emoji*

The issue lies with the subjective nature of an emoji’s meaning. No guidelines exist on how to approach interpreting emojis and lawyers and judges – especially those who are older and aren’t hip to the vernacular – are having problems figuring out what an emoji means in the context of a case.

Emojis are increasingly coming up in sexual harassment and criminal cases, as well as workplace lawsuits – 33 in 2017, 53 in 2018, and nearly 50 in 2019 already – and lawyers are having to argue what they all mean to judges and jurors. It’s all easier said than done because emojis can get lost in translation, especially when actual text isn’t used alongside them and lawyers are forced to describe what an emoji means using only words.

Is a dizzy face emoji enough to establish that an individual knew that a murder was happening? Does an eggplant emoji constitute to harassment or does it just mean someone wants to have eggplant for dinner? Does sending a knife emoji to someone constitute as a threat?

“They’re onto me *worried face emoji*”

There have been cases where emojis they actually added context but judges have opted to omit them as evidence because they either didn’t “get it” or thought it was all superfluous. For example, crown and money emojis don’t mean much on their own but when used in the context of a sex-trafficking case, there’s evidence towards things like prostitution (apparently a crown usually means a pimp in that scenario).

Beyond the struggles of figuring out what emojis mean in the context of court cases, the courts are also having to deal with various platforms rendering the same emoji differently.

For example, depending on if you use an Apple device or Android, some platforms render the pistol emoji to look like a real gun while others render it to look like a water pistol.

This could result in inconsistencies in rulings and miscommunication, which isn’t exactly what you want in court cases since it could mean the difference between guilty or innocent.

She was just joking. Maybe.

Lawyers and judges are probably bemoaning death of the English language due to the rise of emojis but they couldn’t be more wrong. Studies and research has shown that emojis basically a whole new language and a natural substitute for gestures. If anything, researchers are arguing that emojis complement language since they can add more meaning to a message depending on context.

So in short, emojis are here to stay and lawyers and judges will just have to get used to them. But hey, they’ll get used to emojis after an adjustment period, especially when more come up in court cases. After all, we got used to Hawaiian shirts after a while so emojis will get their time eventually.

Influencers Are Unbearable But This Troll On Horny Viewers May Just Win You Over

When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into the eyes of trolls or however the saying goes.

Social media influencers are the absolute worst. How could you not be irritated at people who do things like asking for free ice cream because they’re cheap or begging for brands to sponsor you for your meticulously planned “spontaneous” marriage proposal?

But as unbearable as most are, the epic helping of trolling served up by Belle Delphine to her horny viewers deserves our respect.

For those who are unaware, Belle is a popular British cosplayer whose schtick is basically to dress up in NSFW outfits and get paid by people who want photos of her wearing said NSFW outfits.

I had a look through her Instagram (for research purposes for this story) and discovered two things: she has over 3 million followers and this is literally the only photo she’s posted where she’s not in costume or half-naked.

Unsurprisingly, a popular influencer such as Belle has a fair share of creepy horny dudes – and let’s be honest, it’s almost always dudes – trawling her profile. So to give her trolls their just desserts, Belle decided flip their game back on them.

In June, Belle posed a risque Instagram photo and promised to make a Pornhub account if her pic got 1 million likes. Like flies to garbage, horny folks indundated her with nearly 2 million likes in no time and Belle honoured her promise. However, the content fans got wasn’t what they were expecting.

Her first video is titled “Belle Delphine strokes two BIG cocks” and that’s exactly what she does. And by cocks, she means two actual chickens and boy does she pet them well. In another video titled “PEWDIEPIE goes all the way INSIDE Belle Delphine”, she literally eats a picture of Pewdiepie.

You get the general idea.

It sure is.

In fact, all her videos has a bait and switch pun yet people still got fooled every time. The disappointed responses from horny dudes in the comments section are far more entertaining than Belle’s actual videos, which have all received hundreds of thousands of views each.

But hey, people are clicking which means her punny, dickbaity video titles are perfectly on point.

As brilliant as Belle’s Pornhub troll was, she managed to one up herself by adding a new product to her online store for creepy fans to waste their money on.

Going for a low, low price of $53ish Aussie dollars, this new merch item is called “GamerGirl Bath Water” and it’s literally what it says on the label: the left over dregs of what Belle uses to wash herself in the bath.

Despite this whole thing being a gag – complete with a warning that reads “This water is not for drinking and should only be used for sentimental purposes.” – it seems like there are guys desperate enough to fall for it because the product is listed as sold out on Belle’s website.

There are more thirsty people out there than I thought.

It’s definitely clear that Belle is more than aware that she’ll get sexualised for what she does so she might as well take the piss out of it while earning some dosh at the same time.

At the end of the day, it’s a win-win scenario for everyone: horny folks get some used bath water to quench their thirst, Belle gets to make money off crappy dudes, and we all get some big laughs over how absurd this whole scenario is.

Apple Needs You To Return Your MacBook Pro ASAP Because It Might Catch Fire

Turning it off and on again won't fix this issue.

Love them or hate them, it’s hard to deny that Apple products are pretty damn good when it comes to build quality. When you’ve made Airpods poo-proof, you know you’re doing something right.

Yep, there’s no way an Apple product could possibly be faul- *checks notes* oh wait, your trusty MacBook Pro could possibly be faulty and catch fire.

In a press release from Apple, a “limited number” of older model 15-inch MacBook Pros have a slight overheating issue with the battery and could “pose a fire safety risk”.

As for what models have this possible lap-burning problem, Apple states that the affected units were “sold primarily between September 2015 and February 2017.”

Luckily for all those who might own a MacBook Pro that could spontaneously combust at any moment, Apple are offering to replace the battery free of charge. To check whether your MacBook Pro has the faulty battery fault, just pop the unit’s serial number into Apple’s handy little verification program right here.

Once you’ve checked your MacBook’s eligibility using the program, all you have to do is head over to an authorised Apple store and make an appointment for someone to fix your laptop, which will take around a week or so.

As for the chance that your laptop could be affected, well a year and a half is a long time but there shouldn’t be too many affected units as Apple only sold, uh, 40ish million Macs during that period.

Okay, that number is every kind of Apple Mac product sold so it’s not accurate. If we be conservative and divide that by 6 – which is the number of different Mac products on sale – then the potential number of affected MacBook Pros is only around… 6.6 million.

Righto, so um, best check your laptop ASAP. If your MacBook Pro is indeed affected, back up all your data, stop using it and keep it away from your lap just in case.

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