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GOAT

It’s been a big day for… Listening to...

DJ Khaled

DJ Khaled Says He Doesn’t Give Head, All Other Dudes On The Internet Want You To Know They Do

Which is worse: bragging publicly that you don't go down on your wife, getting roasted for it by The Rock and Dictionary.com, or encouraging half the dudes on Twitter to talk in detail about how much they love giving head to women?

A four-year-old interview where DJ “ANOTHER ONE” Khaled says he doesn’t go down on his wife because he’s “the king” went viral over the weekend.

I don’t really have to unpack the misogyny here, do I? The idea that giving head is a submissive act – and so it’s expected for women to do it to men, and emasculating for men to do it to anyone – is outdated as hell.

It’s whatever you and your partner make it in the (consensual) moment. Having someone’s face in and around your junk can make you feel dominant because they’re focused on your pleasure, or submissive because they’re so good you’re helpless once they get going, or it can be not about power at all because sometimes sex is actually just about mutual fun, you guys?

Lil Wayne has been bragging about how much he loves going down on women for years. And whether it’s Weezy’s influence or just another way for straight dudes to tell themselves they’re awesome, it’s well and truly accepted that giving good head is a great thing.

As DJ Khaled now surely knows, given that he’s been owned online by everyone from The Rock to Smash Mouth, Richard Marx (yeah, the guy you always and only hear on Smooth FM), and, uh, Dictionary.com.

And there’s a bunch of very performative “DJ Khaled may not eat it but I will, ladies, just saying” all over Twitter. (I’m not going to embed those here because they need neither the attention nor the shaming, but you know the type.)

You’re absolutely allowed to not do something you genuinely don’t enjoy doing in bed! That’s always, always true. But if your reasons for not enjoying something are, say, based on backwards sexist BS about gender roles and what men are entitled to, maybe you could look into developing your taste for it.

But let’s also be clear here: just going down (on anyone) is not the same as being good at it. Ask any woman who has sex with men about the worst head she’s ever had, and she will have stories: from the pain of stabby too-tense tongues and vacuum-cleaner suction, to the dudes who change it up every time you make a noise indicating they’re actually on the right track.

There’s always those dudes who heard something about tracing the alphabet or her name with your tongue when they were 15 and have never strayed from that (unless her name is PPPPPP………………………^^^^^^^^^^^°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° – in which case it might be worth a try).

 

And, of course, the dudes who treat it like an endurance sport, staying down there for 45 minutes to little effect, like it’s about putting in the time rather than doing anything specific. You’re not stirring a risotto. You’re working out a guitar solo by ear: pay attention while you play, and when it sounds right, you know your finger’s in the right place, so keep it there.

Of course, there’s no better way to learn than practice, practice, practice. Practice paying attention, practice treating women as individuals with different preferences and responses, and if you need to, practice getting off on the knowledge that you’re getting someone else off.

If you can’t manage that, you’re only playing yourself.