Bleats

The Real Reason You Don't Like Disney's Live-Action Remakes Is Just Childish

A remake is not an upgrade.

I am a self-professed Disney geek.

I can and will sing my way through all of the OGs and will ruin your movie experience by quoting all the best bits.

Yep, I’m THAT Disney geek.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t stupidly excited for Disney’s long list of live-action remakes to finally be released.

But if I’m being honest with myself and with you, my excitement is childish.

No really, it’s the child in me that’s excited. The adult in me knows these movies will on some level fail miserably.

Why? Because there is no possible way they can live up to the original animated films.

Remakes are all hype and no magic.

Part of the joy of watching a Disney movie for the first time is the element of surprise.

You laughed out loud when Timone put on a grass skirt and did the hula; you cried from shock when Dumbo got separated from his mother; and you screamed in frustration when Mulan got found out and banished from the Chinese army.

True, when you watch your favourite Disney animation 10 times over, the element of surprise disappears. Instead it’s replaced with pure joy.

Movies like The Lion King never get old because they always deliver; the same distinct animations, the same relatable storylines and the same jokes that make you snort with laughter.

Watching Disney’s live-action remakes, you expect the same things. Only you want them to be delivered to perfection, which automatically sets you up for disappointment.

Watching the new Aladdin trailer, I couldn’t help but think “oh no what have they done?”

Will Smith’s genie is all blue and no bang. He’s a great actor, a great comedian, but he’s no Robin Williams and he never will be. And despite the sparkly costumes and big dance numbers and killer original soundtrack, to me Aladdin 2.0 looks a bit “meh”.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure I’ll enjoy it. Just like I enjoyed Disney’s other remakes (Angelina Jolie as Maleficent is one of the greatest castings ever made, in my humble opinion).

That doesn’t make them GOOD.

Disney’s live-action remakes are not upgrades; they’re nothing more than shiny CGI wrapped in a huge Hollywood budget.

But there’s a reason Disney keeps doing remakes – that’s where the money is. People already love the stories. All Disney has to do is revamp and resell. It’s a basic strategy but a successful one.

So why are we so keen to watch the exact same movie rebooted in live action?

The same reason we never get sick of watching the animations over and over: nostalgia.

Robert Pattinson Says He Smells Like A Crayon And I Need To Know Which Colour

Another wild yarn from R-Patz.

Robert Pattinson has gained quite a reputation for spinning wild yarns during interviews, but his most recent comments on his body odour have me truly shaken.

In a recent interview with Allure the star of the upcoming The Batman film said, “Lots of people tell me I smell like a crayon.”

The interviewer – understandably bewildered by this statement – then asked, “Like you’re made of wax?”

To which R-Patz responded, “Yes! Like I’m embalmed.”

I have so many questions. What colour crayon does Pattinson smell like? What brand? Is he using lots of crayons? And most importantly, who are these multiple people who are telling him he smells like crayon!? Is that an insult, or a compliment?

It’s not the first time Robert Pattinson’s scent has come up in conversation. Back in 2009, E! News reported that an unidentified source who worked “very closely” with the actor on New Moon said “he stinks.”

“I mean, it’s awful,” the source said. “He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy.”

“He completely reeks,” an unidentified crew member added. Yikes.

It’s been over a decade since then, so we can only hope Robert Pattinson has swapped his lack of showering for an obsession with crayons. 

Speaking of celebrity scents, celebrity tattoo artist Lauren Winzer dishes on what Post Malone smells like on It’s Been A Big Day For…below:

During his interview with Allure, Pattinson was also asked about being recently named the “most handsome man” in the world according to science.

“It’s weird,” he said. “I never was really up for the good-looking-guy roles, because I’ve always been quite awkward when meeting people.”

“My Harry Potter role was a good-looking guy, and it was a shock that it was quite easy to get. And then in Twilight, [Edward is] beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. When I turned up for the auditions, I had done a job where I’d dyed my hair black, because I had an inch and a half of roots, and I had waxed my body. And then I had a few months where I’d been drinking beer all day, so I had this hairless, chubby body. I looked like a baby with a wig on.”

Hairless, chubby, waxed or smelling like a crayon – we’ll take Robert Pattinson any which way.

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