We Know The Exact Number Of First Dates You Need To Go On To Find The One

The data is in, the numbers have been crunched.

Online dating can feel like a series of diminishing returns where the more you swipe the less you find – but there’s good news in that we know the number of dates you need to go on, statistically speaking, in order to find the right person to give this whole relationship thing a bash.

And that number is nine.

Yes. Nine.

See, online dating services – especially app-swiping ones – play on the same addiction centres of the brain as gambling machines, only these ones have a payout that can include love and/or orgasms and therefore is way better.

Therefore they can drive people to keep on swiping endlessly to see who is out there, according to the expert advice of’s Chief Scientific Advisor Dr Helen Fisher.

She claims that having the endless options that come with dating can actually discourage you from making a decision in case you miss out on something else – what’s called “choice paralysis” – and that you’re better off deliberately limiting the number of dates out upon which you go.

“It’s very known in this community [the dating biz] that the more choices you have the less likely you are to choose anybody,” she told the Sleepwalkers podcast.

And thus she looked at the vast archives of data to which she has access and established the optimal number is to go on nine first dates, and then stop (at least for a while), and try doing follow-up dates with the most compatible person/s from that limited pool.

“So one of the things I say to people is that after you meet nine people, stop and get to know at least one of those people more because all the data show that the more you get to know somebody the more you like them and the more you think they are like you.”

So there you go. Nine first dates, then circle around to the best alternative and see what happens.

And if that doesn’t work… um, take it up with Dr Fisher.

Look, Chance The Rapper Likes His Wife No Matter What You Reckon

Is… is this an unusual way to feel about one's spouse? Because we're on board.

Now, you might not think this is a controversial position to take but Chance The Rapper is very into his wife and has been on the internet emphasising this.

But then again, you may not have released an album called The Big Day which is all themed around your wedding. Or maybe you have; that’s information we simply do not possess.

In any case people have been throwing love-shade at Chancelor Jonathan Bennett, aka Chance (The Rapper), for expressing quite how much he adores his wife Kristen Corley (The Not The Rapper) via various memes:

And he took to Twitter to express his dislike of such disrespectful memery in no uncertain terms:

It’s a nice sentiment, but we’re still left thinking “Man, I wish the Big Day Out was still happening.”

The TL;DR version is that he loves his wife, which is nice. Although not necessarily surprising or newsworthy but hey, more power to him.

And to be fair, he and Corley had a colourful relationship including a split, a bitter custody dispute, a reconciliation and now this, so you can understand why he’d be a bit pleased where things have landed.

And look, albums that seem directed at an audience of one don’t historically do that great, as Robin Thicke discovered with his dozens-selling Paula (which, memorably, cleared 158 copies total in Australia in its debut week). So at least Chance is having a better run of it.


And for the record: we’re delighted the Chance The Rapper likes his wife. And that he’s… um, grateful for her not having sex with him? Weird thing to celebrate, but sure, OK!

Hey, every relationship is its own country, man, with borders and regulations that look weird from outside…

These Wedding Fails Make You Wonder How The Hell They Got To I Do

Some knots are just not meant to be tied.

Think of this as a public service: people are doing terrible wedding fails and you need to be made aware just in case the person you thought you’d love forever suggests them, so you can flee.

See, marriage is an opt-in system which is a) on the decline, b) attracting an older demographic and c) slightly less likely to end with a split than at any time since the Whitlam government brought in no-fault divorce. Hey, stats are fun!

And maybe because of this people are clearly trying to enliven their weddings with trends which can be best described as “terrible, terrible ideas”.

For example:

Gendered Wedding Meals! got all up in their online grills over a couple who had made his’n’hers menus at their wedding: dudes were served mushroom risotto, roast beef and a chocolate bomb, and dames got a prawn risotto, chicken and a strawberry cheesecake.

And… why? For a start, there’s no vego option there much less vegan and HOW DO YOU EVEN?

Anyway, this led to a cascade of people explaining their own experience with being given chicken for not having a dick and it’s seemingly a thing.

So don’t do that.

Swearing Wedding Invites!


Nothing screams “this ain’t your grandma’s wedding!” like doing heaps of swears in a wedding annoincement. See, swearing is rude and historically rudeness is inappropriate for weddings, but a couple of total edgelords used a bunch of f-bombs on their invites recently and OH CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE?

That’s what a couple did and it immediately hit Facebook for the purposes of judging their terrible etiquette instead of the fact that they’re apparently 14 and showing their mum that they’re not the boss of them.

And then there are more stylistic wedding fails…

Wedding Crocs!


Just to be clear, this is the shoe. If you’re getting married in the Top End then it’s entirely appropriate to be married by an officially-ordained crocodile. That’s just how Darwin rolls.

However, bridal crocs on the foot-place are the work of Satan. Crocs at a wedding, no matter how fancy, really scream “here’s hoping this marriage sticks but I’m not throwing good money after bad again”.

In any case, can’t we bring back the quiet dignity of Terrible Photoshop for weddings? Mmm, that’s some good weddinging.

Still better than the Cats trailer.

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