This Is Why Your Dating Profile Failed And The Reason You'll Die Alone

Using dating apps when you’re a single person these days is a tough thing to do and requires an almost-scientific level of effort and aligning of pieces. You gotta pick out a handful of photos where you must look good while not giving off the impression you’re a douche, and your profile description should have something funny and insightful while not being too long, pretentious, or rude. It takes a lot to get that dating profile absolutely right and the amount of effort single people put into those things these days could literally solve the climate change problem. While dating profile photos are pretty subjective depending on the person, there’s a bit more of a formula to descriptions regarding what works and what doesn’t. So if you’re wondering why you’re not getting any matches despite several winning photos or your face and/or physique, it’s likely because your profile description is writing cheques your pics can’t cash. Standard stuff like your occupation, hobbies, or a witty one line joke works pretty well. But things like what your future partner must look like and/or earn, and the dreaded “if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best” line?  Immediate left swipe. So to help all the single swipers out there, the folks over at Reddit have shared the absolute worst things someone can have on their dating profile. If you’ve got one of these cringey lines as your description, best change it right away if you want some matches. Let’s kick things off, we have a corker here from a well-traveled single person who put down all the countries they’ve visited. If that doesn’t bring up a slight worry, the part where they put down if you wanted to date them then you better bring them to nice places or else is a major red flag. Sometimes you may not even reach the point where you’ll want to spend time with certain people when they write something insinuating that it is a privilege to just be in their presence. Asking about what someone does for a living and where they went to school/uni is pretty standard stuff. Except for when they write something as pretentious as this following red flag. You’re not being witty, you’re basically telling everyone you’re a spoiled brat who is living off your parents. The whole point of being on these apps is to literally swipe right on people. And besides, what makes you think you’re worthy of people swiping right on you when you write something like this? When someone goes around proclaiming that they want “no drama,” you know they mean the exact opposite of what they’re saying. “Fluent in sarcasm” is immediate swipe left material because a) it just screams “I’ve got no imagination” and b) it means you’re not the slightest bit sarcastic or witty. The whole point of dating apps is to share messages back and forth with someone you’ve matched in order to see if there’s a spark. If someone declares that they won’t message you first, then what’s the point of being on the app? Not to diss religion or anything, but claiming only God/Buddha/Jebus can judge you is code for “this person is a close-minded dumbass”. And lastly, there’s the outspoken people who want you to know they’re outspoken and make no apologies for it. This just screams “I’ve got no filter, I never apologise even when I’m wrong, and I will embarrass us in public when we’re out” with the occasional dash of “I’m also a racist/sexist/homophobe.” And with that, good luck to all of those single people out there trying to find true love on dating apps and here’s hoping you get that profile description perfect before you get swiping and embark on an embarrassing first date.