Bleats

This 83-Year-Old Nan Having Her Way With Fkbois On Tinder Is Goals

She's everything we should aspire to be when we're in our 80s.

It’s no secret that dating is quite a struggle many single people with Tinder (or any dating app) face. But for those who are losing hope in ever finding “the one,” take some inspiration from this 83-year-old granny who is having the time of her life after getting into online dating.

After being married for over 25 years before splitting up with her ex-husband, Hattie Retroage said she missed casual dating and decided to get back on the bandwagon by getting Tinder and describing herself as:

“Hattie, 83, fascinating older beauty.

“Seeking a steady younger friend/lover for a shared life of adventure and passion. No pro-Trump and no players.”

Next she she knows, she’s having her way with much younger dudes who are eager to please. In her own words: “They love giving orgasms and I love getting them, so now I have a steady stream.”

So why does Hattie go exclusively for younger men? Well according to her, men her age aren’t around any more. Can’t argue with that.

Secondly, she discovered that younger men these days really love the idea of dating older women, especially if they’re as old as their nan, saying that “they get off on getting a woman off” and that attitude is “very different” from her younger days. No arguing with that either.

Another win-win of dating young dudes is she also doesn’t have to worry about things like “emotions” or commitment either, which is fine by her since all she wants is a good time at this point in her life.

Perhaps the biggest thing Hattie wants to do though besides having her way with the hordes of fkbois at her beck and call is to get rid of the negative stigma people have of “cougars” and aging. As Indiana Jones once said, it’s not the years, it’s the mileage.

Good on you, Hattie, don’t let anyone stop you from living your best life!

As for how successful she’s been on Tinder, Hattie says she’s met around 50 men aged between 19 (she thought he was older and wouldn’t have rocked his world had she’d known) to 33 and there are plenty of other men lining up on her matched list on Tinder. Damn, age is truly just a number.

Hats off to Hattie, who is breaking down negative stigmas about dating younger men as a “granny” and having the time of her life while doing it.

Goals right there.

Flume's Response To That Infamous Burning Man Moment Is To Eat Someone's Peach

It's the only appropriate follow up.

So you may have heard about Flume and his infamous performance at Burning Man where he literally brown nosed a woman (who may or may not be his girlfriend, Paige Elkington) mid set.

For those who need a refresher on what happened, some Burning Man fan was waving around a “Does Flume even eat a**?” sign during Flume’s set and the DJ responded by literally eating a woman’s arse for a few seconds.

Basically this happened.

After copping a heap of attention for the impromptu onstage anilingus, Flume has responded with an Instagram post of him eating someone’s peach.

As in someone gave him a literal peach and he ate it.

Get your minds out of the gutter.

After the wild Burning Man aftermath that involved endless analyses into why on earth did Flume do the mouth to arse sex thing onstage to ridiculous deep dives into who his girlfriend Paige Elkington is because people are assuming the woman who got brown nosed was her, the highest of fives must be given to the DJ for responding in this manner.

He could’ve went and hid himself in a bunker while all this blew over but instead he took it on the chin and embraced it. Clearly he thinks this whole saga is as much of a joke as what it was initially meant to be so props to him to rolling with the punches and playing along with it.

Well done.

Now that this Flume/Burning Man/Onstage sex thing is basically over, let’s do a quick sitrep what we’ve all learned:

  • Flume not only eats “a**” but he also eats peaches
  • We still don’t know if the woman in the video is Paige Elkington
  • Whoever she is, she’s having the time of her life
  • Flume’s mum is either disappointed or supremely entertained with what went down at Burning Man

What a mad lad.

Enjoy This Vid Of Flume Literally Brown Nosing A Woman On Stage At Burning Man

So that's how meet and greets work.

Look, we’re just going to cut to the chase: Flume was filmed eating a woman’s arse while performing at this year’s Burning Man festival.

Yeah.

After a fan held up a sign with the question, “Does Flume even eat a**?”. Flume gave us the answer by literally brown-nosing a woman for a few seconds while in the middle of his DJ set, all of which was caught on video.

While we can’t exactly post the video here because of reasons, you can check out right HERE. Here’s a peach-related gif to make up for it.

Accurate recreation of what transpired.

With the question of whether Flume “eats a**” definitively answered (it’s a yes), this whole Burning Man moment brings up another question: who exactly is the woman who got brown-nosed?

No one is entirely sure but there are some suggesting that it might be his girlfriend, Paige Elkington.

While the woman’s face is turned away from the camera in the footage, the video was posted to Paige’s Instagram, along with the caption “Sorry mom.” Unsurprisingly, the video was deleted pretty quickly by Instagram because of “nudity” but not before the internet made a copy and spread it far and wide all over Reddit.

As for who Paige Elkington is, she’s perhaps best known as a model and actress who caught a taste of internet fame when she posed with Jeff Goldblum one time.

Now posting this video is also a bit of a no no for Burning Man goers as it violates the festival’s spirit of keeping all its more eyebrow-raising shenanigans away from the rest of the world so it was probably going to be deleted at some point anyway.

But in conclusion, we learned three things about this whole thing:

  • Flume does indeed eat ass
  • The woman may or may not be Paige Elkington
  • And whoever the woman is, she’s living her best life so good on her

Perhaps they should rename “artist meet and greets” to “artist meet and eats”.

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