In 2018, does any relationship truly come to an end? You’re still Facebook friends with the girl you went to summer camp with. You still read your ex’s tweets. That long-distance fling you had three years ago regularly views your Instagram stories as soon as you upload them.
We all maintain threads of old connections so long that cutting someone off is huge and unthinkable – there are multiple horror movies about being unfriended! Here’s why you should do it anyway.
If they hurt you in any way
Does Jack-who-ghosted-you-after-two-dates still like your Instagram pics? It’s perfectly normal to feel a twinge of resentment at the fact that somebody who doesn’t want to be in your life still follows your social media. How come they get to choose what parts of you they want to see?
If seeing their name in your Notifications tab upsets you or reminds you of that time they hurt you, unfriend them! Block them. Unfollow them and have a celebratory cup of tea about it. Being reminded of someone’s presence isn’t always a good thing, and you do not have to get over the hurt. (Maybe getting over it requires unfriending them first.)
If you just broke up with them
When it comes to breakups, conventional wisdom is absolutely correct – you need time and space to heal. Your battered heart can’t recover if you keep stalking their profiles (who’s that girl with them in the picture? Are they touching each other in a friendly or a sexual way? Is it your imagination, or do they look 15% happier than when they were with you?)
Maybe down the line – maybe a year, maybe five years, maybe when you’re both happily married and living in the suburbs with kids – you’ll be able to follow each other without feeling resentment and longing every time you see them online.
But in the present, you’ve got to scrub your social media clear of their influence. Remember, it’s impossible to be friends with someone right after you break up with them – even if you’re “just” Facebook friends.
If they’re at all rude or creepy
Does that girl you know slightly leave pass-aggy comments under your food photos? (“It seems like you’re always eating junk food!”) Block her right now. You know that one male acquaintance who always makes slightly weird comments about how your body looks in selfies? Block him right now.
Don’t hesitate to cut off anybody who violates decorum or social etiquette in any way! Nobody has a right to be with friends with you on social media. Having access to that part of your life – to see where you go, what you eat, even what memes you post – this is a privilege. Not a right.
If somebody weirds you out on a consistent basis, they get their privileges revoked. C’est la vie. If they wanted to follow you, maybe they shouldn’t have started liking 40-week old pictures with impunity at 3am.
For basically any reason you want to
Here’s the truth: there is no reason too small or too petty to cut someone off over. None whatsoever.
Girls and women, especially, are made to feel guilty for everything we do! We aren’t expected to have boundaries, or to enforce them. (People act surprised when we say we are uncomfortable with something, as if women should be endlessly accommodating and forgiving.)
But that doesn’t mean you should swallow your feelings and continue to keep people you don’t like in your life (or even at the margins of it).
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Go ahead, hit that button. If you’re worried about how it will make them feel, stop. Their reaction to being cut off is not your problem to consider. If you don’t prioritise yourself, who will?
We throw the phrase “self-care” around a lot, but what it truly means is the preservation of mental peace.
Don’t be afraid to excise any negative influences from your social media – and watch your life blossom into something much more serene.
