Let me start with this: dating is strange.
Yes, it can be fun and romantic. But it can also be awkward and disappointing, and it can lead to unpleasant experiences – like having your date launch himself at your face while you’re trying to make your way into a cab and away from him. Let me tell you, trying to deal with a very bad half-kiss while your body is partway inside a vehicle is about as cringe-worthy as it gets.
The dating game is a difficult one to navigate at the best of times with all this ghosting and breadcrumbing (and the fact that all men, if that’s what you’re into, have been ruined by Noah Centineo now), but I’m here to tell you I’m damn well convinced that it’s especially crap in Australia.
I recently decided to make the move over to New York and in my time here, have noticed a few major differences in the (hetero, which I am) dating culture.
1. People actually date a lot more here
This may not be the case for everyone in Australia, but in my experience, people generally date one person at a time.
If they’re in no rush to make a commitment, they may be hooking up with a bunch of people, sure. But singles looking for lurve tend to focus their attention rather than diversify their options.
In New York, there’s no time for that. If you’re dating, chances are you have a few pots simmering at once.
(I’m hoping this goes without saying, but I’m only talking about those who are not in exclusive relationships, here… Seeing other people behind your partner’s back is called being a d**k.)
2. When it comes to pursuing someone IRL, men are way more forward:
All those movie meet-cutes where couples have a sweet exchange in an elevator or at the grocery store? They actually happen here. And being out in a group doesn’t appear to make much of a difference either.
This does not happen anywhere near as often in Australia.
According to dating coach Iona Yeung, that’s because Aussies have a greater “fear of rejection”. Which is fair enough; people can be the worst.
Speaking about Sydney specifically, she told me:
They [Sydney guys] aren’t as forward and require getting many cues from women before they will consider approaching them. So, if you are dating in Sydney, know that subtle cues don’t work.
And here I thought glancing at a cute guy across the room then turning away at warp speed was a killer move.
Oh, and before you ask: yes, I’m aware women can approach men, too. This is just something I’ve noticed while here.
3. Guys aren’t afraid to be a little bit charming:
When guys and gals do meet in Australia, the trend seems to be that we’re a lot less comfortable with the idea of men dishing out a little chivalry. We’re fans of the hot goofball, instead.
Dating and relationship expert, Mel Schilling spoke about this with the Sydney Morning Herald a couple of years back:
I’m speaking in general, but in most cases, Australians are not encouraged to take on gentlemanly traits. They are ridiculed for acting as gentleman [sic].
Hello, toxic masculinity!
From what I’ve seen, dudes in the States are pretty direct when they’re into someone, and it’s no big deal… unless you’re an Australian lady person like me who’s not even slightly used to it.
I once had an American guy try and hold my hand the first time we hung out and I basically shrivelled up and disintegrated into a million pieces like it was the end of Infinity War because I didn’t know how to handle the affection.
In Australia, on the other hand, I’ve been three dates in and totally unsure if the guy I’m seeing likes me at all.
4. There’s less hype around meeting friends:
Back home, introducing someone to your mates is usually a big-ass deal reserved for full-blown significant others only.
Here, you can literally have been on two dates and the guy you’re seeing will probably be very chill, keen even, about meeting your pals.
5. Not having to swipe on people you already know is the greatest:
Who knew being in a city twice as big as Sydney would widen the dating pool? It’s a nice change not having to awkwardly swipe left on your ex-boyfriend’s best friend every few weeks…
(I know that last one has nothing to do with the culture of dating, but I really prefer it, so it made the list.)
I decided to ask Yeung if she thought risk-shy Aussie singles are our own worst enemies:
There’s definitely a casual dating culture in Australia, but I don’t think it holds Aussies back from finding love. When singles reach a life stage where they’re ready to get married [or make a serious commitment], they’ll make more of an active effort to take dating more seriously.
So, we’re not hopeless.
We just kind of suck when we don’t take it seriously, which is most of the time.
Now… The only questions that remain are: do you think Noah Centineo uses Tinder? And what are my chances of coming across his profile in a city of 8.5 million people?
