Finding a good partner in a world of arseholes is damn hard work.
I’m convinced there’s a whole sub-race of people, particularly women, who have a disease that disables them from choosing a positive, supportive other half.
Apparently, the female race is allergic to guys who are sweet, caring and in touch with their emotions.
But I have a reality check for you girls: just because a guy isn’t afraid to cry or talk about his feelings, doesn’t make him less of a man (whatever that means, anyway). It makes him MORE of a man.
It makes him more likely to think before he acts, more likely to treat you how you deserve to be treated, and more likely to be honest with you.
It makes him LESS likely to bait you, less likely to disrespect your physical boundaries, and less likely to B.S straight to your face.
Who wouldn’t want that?
Why do we not want that?
Reality TV isn’t the greatest thing in the world- often it’s full of moments that make you want to gouge your brain out and scream “WHAT THE …?!”. But the current season of Bachelor In Paradise Australia is teaching us a thing or two about relationships.
I never thought I would say you should take dating advice from a TV show but, ladies, you should take advice from a TV show.
Well, kinda. You should use Bachelor In Paradise as an example of what NOT to do.
One of the show’s contestants, American Alex, is a textbook example of an under-appreciated guy. He has a kind peaceful energy, is softly spoken, candid and looks like this:
Yet the girls on the show are too busy throwing themselves at other (less kind) contestants.
The nice guy, once again, has finished last.
I have a bunch of theories about this.
The first, I already mentioned: ‘feminine’ guys are a turn off. They’re not actually, but that definitely seems to be what the world thinks.
I personally am baffled by this. A guy, or girl for that matter, that thinks they need to be strong and stoic all the time will not adequately serve you emotionally. The physical side of a relationship is important but that can only get you so far. Eventually, you’re going to have to talk about things, and brick walls aren’t good at talking.
Stop thinking into it. Sweet guys are just that, sweet. I would choose an open and loving partner any day.
My second theory is that society has convinced us that relationships SHOULD be difficult. Divorce rates are up, being a sarcastic arsehole is in, so women expect to have to fight for what they want.
Fighting for what you want isn’t a bad thing, but fighting WITH a partner is.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULD NOT BE A STRUGGLE. It should be the thing that helps ease your struggles.
And theory number three: easy relationships are boring relationships and that’s no fun.
This one is also not true. Just because you can laugh with your partner, talk about your problems like adults, and be honest about your feelings doesn’t mean things are boring. It means you can have fun more often without the fear of imploding.
You know, be a pain without worrying he’ll tell all his mates about it. Wear no makeup without worrying he’ll cheat on you with your best friend. Go to the shops or on a date and not fear you’ll butt heads again.
Easy is not boring. Boring is boring.
Finally, I think a lot of women just don’t believe they deserve to be happy. I get it- I’d be lying if I said I had the negative voices in my head perfectly in check. But that doesn’t mean I’ve given up on myself. And it certainly doesn’t mean I’m willing to deal with a guy who doesn’t respect me.
I deserve more than that. You deserve more than that.
Bad boys are not all they’re cracked up to be. Sure, leather jackets and tattoos are hard to resist, but a big heart is a much more valuable asset.
It’s time the nice guys finally moved up in the race.