Bleats

It's No Surprise Ellen Didn't Say Why She Skipped Dakota Johnson's Birthday

Case, closed.

Finally, we’ve solved one of 2019’s greatest mysteries: why didn’t Ellen DeGeneres go to Dakota Johnson’s birthday party?

Last week, Johnson appeared on Ellen’s talk show where they squirmed through a seriously awkward interview during which they discussed Johnson’s recent birthday party.

DeGeneres asked Johnson why she wasn’t invited. Johnson claimed she did but the talk show host never turned up. “Why didn’t I go?” Ellen asked her producer, to which he replied, “You were out of town.” 

“Oh yeah, I had that thing,” DeGeneres mysteriously responded.

Well, we finally know what that thing was.

Johnson’s 30th birthday party fell on the exact same weekend DeGeneres was in Texas at an NFL game with former US president, George W. Bush.

Fans were quick to point out DeGeneres’ weekend plans on Twitter, with some users claiming Johnson’s “tone” during their awkward interview suggested she was calling the talk show host out for her friendship with George Bush.

ICYMI, DeGeneres divided the Internet back in October when she was photographed sitting next to Bush at the NFL game – some said she was setting a good example of tolerance and kindness, and others claimed their friendship was completely baffling and morally wrong. 

Bush caused a stir during his presidency for wanting to amend the constitution to ban gay marriage and instructing the US army to enter into war with Iraq and Afghanistan due to beliefs they were harbouring weapons of mass destruction. 

DeGeneres copped so much backlash for her playdate with Dubya she spoke out about it on her show. “I’m friends with George Bush. In fact, I’m friends with a lot of people who don’t share the same beliefs that I have. We’re all different, and I think we’ve forgotten that that’s OK that we’re all different,” she said.

“Just because I don’t agree with someone on everything doesn’t mean that I am not going to be friends with them. When I say be kind to one another, I don’t mean only the people that think the same way you do. I mean be kind to everyone.”

So now we know why Ellen DeGeneres flaked out on Dakota Johnson it’s no wonder their interview was awkward as hell. It’s also no surprise DeGeneres wasn’t keen on revealing the real reason she didn’t turn up considering the criticism she copped the first time. 

You know what they say, Ellen: honesty is always the best policy.

Dakota Johnson And Ellen DeGeneres' Interview: Awkward AF Or A PR Stunt?

Prepare to cringe.

After 16 years on our TV screens and hundreds of high profile guests, Ellen DeGeneres is a talk show veteran – but that doesn’t make her immune to an awkward encounter or two.

Case in point: DeGeneres’ recent interview with actress Dakota Johnson.

Johnson appeared on the talk show to promote her new movie The Peanut Butter Falcon but things took a cringeworthy turn when DeGeneres asked her about her 30th birthday celebrations.

“Happy belated birthday,” DeGeneres said. “How was the party? I wasn’t invited.”

“Actually, no, that’s not the truth, Ellen. You were invited,” Johnson responded.

Johnson went on to tell DeGeneres that she made sure to invite her because last year the TV personality gave her “a bunch of shit” when she didn’t get invited.

“This time you invited me? Are you sure? I don’t think so,” DeGeneres questioned Johnson.

“Ask everybody,” Johnson suggested. “Ask Jonathan, your producer.”

DeGeneres soon realised that she was, in fact, invited to Johnson’s birthday but couldn’t attend because she was out of town that day. 

Later, DeGeneres asked Johnson about comedian Tig Notaro’s performance at her birthday party. 

“What did she do (at the party)?” she asked the actress.

“A bunch of funny stuff,” Johnson said. “She’s my favourite comedian.”

Johnson quickly realised what she’d said and added, “other than you!” but it was too late – the audience was already living for the drama.

The interaction only got more awkward when DeGeneres asked Johnson about her relationship with Coldplay singer Chris Martin. 

“Recently you came to our Gorillapalooza event, thank you for being there,” DeGeneres said. “I don’t know if you saw, but Chris Martin was there. And he performed and he was brilliant. Did you see him?”

Johnson quite clearly didn’t want to discuss her private life and simply responded, “I think I saw him from afar.”

Yikes!

The interview is particularly cringeworthy compared to DeGeneres’ usually light and funny interactions with celebs. However, I can’t help but wonder if the awkwardness was orchestrated in some bizarre PR spin.

DeGeneres and Johnson’s uncomfortable encounter has the Internet’s tongues wagging, so if it was a PR stunt, mission accomplished. If it was just a nightmare interview with no ulterior motive, I’m guessing DeGeneres won’t score an invite to Johnson’s next birthday party.

I'm So Sorry To Break It To You But Your Dog Doesn't Love You The Most

Man's best friend?

The phrase “dogs are man’s best friend” originated in the American Supreme Court in 1870 when a lawyer named George Graham Vest defended a man who loved his dog named Old Drum. According to Rover.com, Vest argued that when a neighbour killed Old Drum for trespassing, he took more than the life of a pet – he killed a family member.

For years we’ve lived in comfort knowing that yes, dogs were “man’s best friend” and that they loved and appreciated us just as much as we loved and appreciated them. Sadly, this might not be so accurate.

According to the New York Times via The Cut, these furry creatures don’t just love humans, they love every species they come in contact with – including (but not limited to) monkeys, ducks, deers and more.

Speaking to the New York Times, dog behaviour specialist Clive Wynne says the pet’s “abnormal willingness to form strong emotional bonds with almost anything that crosses their path,” helps them thrive compared to other animals. 

For example, pups outnumber their distant cousin, the wolf, by 3,000 to 1.

I know what you’re thinking: but my doggo loves me because he follows me around everywhere and is so well-behaved. Unfortunately, Wynne says it’s only thanks to thousands of years of domestication. 

In fact, humans have been breeding dogs for so many years, we’ve changed the genome so that most are associated with “indiscriminate friendliness.” 

As much as it’s heartbreaking to hear that your pupper doesn’t love you the most, it’s also heartwarming to know that dogs have the ability to love any species, so long as they meet members of that species early enough in life, according to Wynne. 

Perhaps it’s this “indiscriminate friendliness” that makes us love dogs so much. It also helps that dogs have an innate ability to “read” their owners. “They have nothing to do all day but watch us, study us, look for a pattern of actions that will lead to something good for them,” Wynne says.

“The essential thing about dogs…is a desire to form close connection, to have warm personal relationships – to love and be loved,” Wynne writes in his book Dog Is Love. “I like to think that’s a miracle – one that I wish sometimes would make us stop and consider the wonder of it all. Yet we take it for granted.”

There you have it: we don’t deserve dogs, but my God, we will keep loving them and receiving love in return. 

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