It’s the 20 year anniversary of Cruel Intentions and the perfect time to talk about how terrifically cooked this teen film is. It is wild. Even if you remember this movie being spicy, it’s guaranteed to be even more bizarre every time you watch it.
Let us revisit the complex web of lust and revenge that is spun between Sebastian, Kathryn, Annette, Cecile, Ronald, and some excess casualties.
Spoilers of course ensue. If you haven’t yet seen Cruel Intentions, I’m sorry but it’s been 20 years. The grace period is over.
#1. Talk about keeping it in the family, am I right?
Maybe in this age with Game of Thrones incest plots aplenty we aren’t so phased by the incest kink that Sebastian and Katheryn are getting off at.
Step siblings engaging in romantic or sexual activity is one thing, but Katheryn and Sebastian lean into it. Hard. They call each other sis and bro and it’s clearly working for them.
According to the film’s director Roger Kumble, Ryan Phillippe (Sebastian) condensed the film to what is most-crucially at the core. Speaking to Cosmo, Kumble recalled Phillippe saying on set,
“When you break down this movie, it’s really about me wanting to have anal sex with my sister.”
There is really no better summation of this film. He is referring of course to Katheryn’s “you can put it anywhere” sexual offer that tempts Sebastian to take on the bet to try and bed Annette, setting the sequence of the entire film in motion.
#2. Annette’s vow of celibacy is astoundingly flimsy
I know that the world of romantic comedies moves unrealistically fast, but it takes a few brief and not entirely pleasant interactions with Sebastian for Annette to volunteer to give up her vow of celibacy for Sebastian. They’ve barely had three conversations.
No judgement on anyone choosing to have sex or changing their mind from celibacy, but this particular plot line leaves you with whiplash. Yes, Sebastian is hot, but he’s not that hot. He’s not even very nice to her. The whole thing seems about as implausible as old mate saying what they have is ‘love’ after about 48 hours of knowing each other.
#3. Katheryn having sex with Cecile’s music teacher and boyfriend-type-thing
That just hurt.
#4. Kicking off with some revenge porn
Sebastian’s character development begins with him sharing revenge porn of his therapist’s daughter, so we establish straight up that he is explicitly a terrible person.
Also Tara Reid crying in this movie might be the best role of her career.
But I digress. The revenge porn itself being a plot isn’t so much the cooked part. It’s actually (unfortunately) not an unrealistic portrayal of the evil teen boys can commit.
It’s when Sebastian is positioned as the protagonist we should be rooting for that this brushed over opening incident starts feeling VERY wrong and VERY brushed over.
#5. Katheryn making a damn good point
Katheryn is an unhinged level of cruel and Sarah Michelle Gellar is exquisite in this role. She seems genuinely sociopathic, and yet she gives the most sensical speech of the entire movie.
“Eat me, Sebastian. It’s alright for guys like you and Court to fuck everyone, but when I do it I get dumped for innocent little twits like Cecile. God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex. Do you think I relish the fact that I have to act like Mary Sunshine 24/7 so I can be considered a lady? I’m the Marcia Fucking Brady of the Upper East Side and sometimes, I wanna kill myself.”
She is evil, but evil with cause. Sebastian is just a spoiled white boy whose cruelty has no excuse.
#6. Sebastian, how are we meant to feel about him?
The single most cooked part of Cruel Intentions is that by the end, we are meant to empathise with Sebastian. He apparently ~sees the light~ and with no effort to right his wrongs, we are meant to forgive him?
When Kathryn calls him out for thinking being cute and shedding some reserved tears washes him of all his sins, she’s honestly got a point.
Sebastian is irredeemable, and his somewhat self-sacrificial death isn’t enough to rectify that.
The most confusing part of this movie is who exactly it tries to get us to root for, and the most cooked part is that none of the characters really deserve it. Except Tara Reid’s character. Justice for Marci.