Bleats

It's Not Legal To Wee On Your Car But Australia Still Has Plenty Of Weird Crimes On The Books

Sorry, weird law lovers, you've been fibbed to.

There are a lot of laws out there, and a lot of the time they just sit there until someone goes “hey, this is a bit weird, we should get rid of that.” And one that gets brought up a lot is that you can wee on your car in public.

Sadly, however, a lot of the weird laws in Australia turn out to be no entirely correct – almost as though you shouldn’t turn to the internet for random legal advice.

One that gets brought up relatively often is that it’s illegal to be drunk in a pub in Australia. And that’s sort of true: it’s illegal to serve someone who is visibly drunk under Responsible Service laws

And yes, you can absolutely be fined in South Australia for singing rude songs in public: it’s covered under the Summary Offences Act.

“But officer, I genuinely WAS on the good ship Venus…”

It’s also illegal to interrupt a wedding or funeral in SA, thanks again to the Summary Offences Act (section 7A). Which is just one of the reasons why The Graduate and My Best Friend’s Wedding weren’t set in Adelaide.

And yes, it is actually illegal to own more than 50kg of potatoes: at least, in WA where the the Marketing of Potatoes Act 1946 is still in application.

Another popular one is that that it’s illegal to walk on the left hand side of the road, which is sort of true – but only sort of.

If a road has no footpath or nature strip, or if it’s not practical to use said footpath or nature strip, the law says that pedestrians must walk facing the traffic as a road safety measure.

Depressingly, some of the most hilarious laws cited as being weird Australian laws are either no longer current (for example, in Victoria it was technically illegal to change your own lightbulb unless you were a qualified electrician, but that law was changed in 1998) or just plain made up.

For example: that you can wee in public as long as you are urinating on the rear left tyre of your own car. Police would like to advise that no, that’s not a thing and please stop doing it, you will definitely be arrested. You’ll even get a $500 on the spot fine for it in WA.

Another one is that it’s illegal to wear pink hot pants in Victoria on Sunday afternoons. It’s on dozens of “can you believe this crazy law?” sites with many questions about what could possibly have inspired such specific legislation, and the answer is simple: nothing. As far as anyone can ascertain, it doesn’t and have never existed.

Nor, sadly, is there a law forcing Queensland taxi drivers to carry hay bales, or any legislation demanding bikini sizes on Gold Coast beaches (or demanding neck-to-knee bathers in Melbourne).

Some things are just too good to be true.

Robert Pattinson Says He Smells Like A Crayon And I Need To Know Which Colour

Another wild yarn from R-Patz.

Robert Pattinson has gained quite a reputation for spinning wild yarns during interviews, but his most recent comments on his body odour have me truly shaken.

In a recent interview with Allure the star of the upcoming The Batman film said, “Lots of people tell me I smell like a crayon.”

The interviewer – understandably bewildered by this statement – then asked, “Like you’re made of wax?”

To which R-Patz responded, “Yes! Like I’m embalmed.”

I have so many questions. What colour crayon does Pattinson smell like? What brand? Is he using lots of crayons? And most importantly, who are these multiple people who are telling him he smells like crayon!? Is that an insult, or a compliment?

It’s not the first time Robert Pattinson’s scent has come up in conversation. Back in 2009, E! News reported that an unidentified source who worked “very closely” with the actor on New Moon said “he stinks.”

“I mean, it’s awful,” the source said. “He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy.”

“He completely reeks,” an unidentified crew member added. Yikes.

It’s been over a decade since then, so we can only hope Robert Pattinson has swapped his lack of showering for an obsession with crayons. 

Speaking of celebrity scents, celebrity tattoo artist Lauren Winzer dishes on what Post Malone smells like on It’s Been A Big Day For…below:

During his interview with Allure, Pattinson was also asked about being recently named the “most handsome man” in the world according to science.

“It’s weird,” he said. “I never was really up for the good-looking-guy roles, because I’ve always been quite awkward when meeting people.”

“My Harry Potter role was a good-looking guy, and it was a shock that it was quite easy to get. And then in Twilight, [Edward is] beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. When I turned up for the auditions, I had done a job where I’d dyed my hair black, because I had an inch and a half of roots, and I had waxed my body. And then I had a few months where I’d been drinking beer all day, so I had this hairless, chubby body. I looked like a baby with a wig on.”

Hairless, chubby, waxed or smelling like a crayon – we’ll take Robert Pattinson any which way.

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