Given the state of the world at the moment the idea that a suspicious package turning up in a mailroom would be kind of hilarious seems unlikely, so let’s clutch at this moment of levity like the welcome straw it is.
For it transpires that Duke Energy – which is, disappointingly, the name of an electricity company and not the world’s most dynamic motivational speaker – received a suspicious out-of-state package at their office in Charlotte, North Carolina on Tuesday, local time.
And given the somewhat high-strung state of affairs in the United States at the moment, not least the mailing of pipe bombs to public figures and media outlets, the company could be forgiven for immediately calling in the authorities.
Pictured: not the authorities.
The Duke Energy building was evacuated, the roads around it were closed, bomb squad and K-9 units were deployed, and their expertise established that the package contained a cassette by Journey.
And to be fair, any album featuring guitarist Neil Schon will boast explosive riffs and incendiary fretwork.
A band, a warehouse, invisible instruments. Music videos used to be a lot more straightforward.
It’s not clear which Journey cassette it was and therefore impossible to speculate upon what intended message the package contained.
Was the sender attempting to encourage Duke Energy to phase out coal by sending them a plea to Look Into The Future (1976)? Was it 1996’s Trial By Fire, perhaps signifying the crucible the nation was currently experiencing? Or was it 1981’s Escape because that has ‘Don’t Stop Believin” on it and it’s a goddamn jam? Sadly, we just don’t know.
Reports that authorities were looking for a small town girl living in a lonely world could not be confirmed at press time.
