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The Bermuda Triangle Mystery Has Been Solved, Time To Find A New Conspiracy To Froth

I want to believe.

Hell yeah, it’s time to bust out the tin foil hat and dig up your childhood obsession with the Bermuda Triangle! I knew exactly where all the books about ghosts, aliens, and other conspiracies were in my primary school library, and I read them all cover to cover, so the news that the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle has been solved made my morning a lot more interesting. 

I’m assuming this is accurate?

To backtrack for those of you who weren’t a bit weird in primary school like I was, the Bermuda Triangle is a patch of ocean just off the south-east coast of the USA that planes and ships allegedly disappear in all the time, either never to be seen again or to appear later on stunned with no recollection of what happened. 

There are tons of theories about what is supposedly taking these ships and planes. There’s the methane gas theory, saying that gas bubbles up from the ocean floor and explodes. Or the theory that there’s a wormhole shooting everything tin the Bermuda Triangle to another point in space and time. Then there’s aliens. That’s it, that’s the whole theory. Aliens.

My explanation for most things

So back to solving the mystery. Well, sadly it seems like there may never have been a mystery to begin with. Dr Karl Kruszelnicki has done some math and realised that we don’t actually have anything to be worried about.

“According to Lloyds of London and the US coast guard, the number of planes that go missing in the Bermuda Triangle is the same as anywhere in the world on a percentage basis,” he said.

Damn you, logic and reason. I wanted paranormal nonsense!

“It is close to the equator, near a wealthy part of the world, America, therefore you have a lot of traffic.”

Sadly for us alien enthusiasts, it makes perfect sense. More traffic through an area like the Bermuda Triangle means more disappearances and accidents. This particular case may be solved, but at least I still have things like Area 51 and Louis Tomlinson’s fake baby.