Dig your crumpled-up Picturesque Swimming Holes To Be Photographed In During Summer 2017/2018 out of the bin, because it’s not over yet.
That’s right, folks. Deniliquin Dazza – the little-known Southern Hemisphere equivalent of Punxsutawney Phil the Weather-Predicting Groundhog – has emerged, winced at the heat and scarpered back down his wombat hole, meaning we get at least six more days of summer.
“Yeah, nah. Is there cricket on or is it still ruined?”
The Bureau of Meterology is predicting “summer-like conditions”, with temperatures in Adelaide, Sydney, Canberra and Melbourne primed to smash some April temperature records, much like a chunk of icy pole slipping off the stick and smashing on the pavement, while you stare at it, distraught, and dreaming about tights weather.
Me, between October and April.
In Sydney, it’s going to be nudging 27 or 28 every day until mid next week, with a high of 30 on Monday in the city and up to 35 in Penrith.
In inland SA and Victoria, temperatures could be a full 10 degrees over April averages.
To repeat: it’s April, and it’s still going to be too warm for doonas for the next week. It’s April, and the curséd chub rub season is still in full swing.
It’s APRIL.
It’s also been the driest first quarter of a calendar year since 1986. In case your brain is too sweaty to do the maths, that means that if you are currently a NSW resident 31 or younger, you have never in your life been rained on less between January and March.
Given that summer does not appear to have, as yet, ended, we are officially designating this an Endless Summer until advised otherwise.
Throw your jumpers into the sun, which is conveniently only seven inches away.