Sometimes it really seems like the only person who is handling the end of Chris Pratt and Anna Faris’s marriage is Anna Faris. There were many life lessons to be learnt from her reaction to Pratt’s engagement to Katherine Schwarzenegger back in January, and she continues to be an icon.
Meanwhile Chris Pratt’s stock plummeted with both our irrational bitterness to his moving on, and our rational disappointment with his response to worshiping at a notoriously anti-LGBTQ church. Hence the revised ranking of the Hollywood Chrises, for a post-Pratt 2019.
But this discussion of Chris Pratt’s underwhelming astrological compatibility with new fiancé Katherine Schwarzenegger is coming from a completely unbiased place and not at all coloured by the personal feelings of bitterness harboured for these celebrity strangers.
So Chris Pratt is a Cancer, born June 21, and Schwarzenegger is a Sagittarius, born December 13. It’s a rare combination to be drawn to each other, and yet, here we are. Let’s unpack that.
#1. What Do They Want?
According to the stars, each sign has a different concept of an ‘ideal relationship’ and that can cause clashing down the line.
#2. Trust Issues Ahoy?
Look, Cancers tend to like security, and Sag’s are known for their love of freedom. So that might mean they can be trying to make it work but speaking different love languages. One might feel suspicious and the other might feel stifled. Astrologically speaking, it’s set to be a challenge.
#3. Will They Have The Patience?
To make things work it will mean overcoming the obstacles and finding a unique dynamic that can last long term. These zodiacs press each other’s buttons and boundaries. They’ll need some strong communication skills to persevere.
Me, talking shit.
So there you have it, the stars are here to feed our irrational bitterness towards Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger.
Of course there is a chance that this Cancer-Sag match will have a great relationship in spite of the astrological obstacles and of course we wish them health and happiness blah blah blah.
We’re all just coping in our own, salty, transcendent ways.