On Monday, Chris Pratt received the Generation Award at the MTV Movie & TV Awards. He used his moment at the mic to deliver a mini-manifesto in which he imparted important life lessons and, wait for it, some poop-related wisdom.
“I’m going to cut to the chase and I am going to speak to you, the next generation,” Pratt began in an evangelical tone.
“I accept the responsibility as your elder. So, listen up.”
What followed was a list of Pratt’s nine rules for living and there were some real existential gems like “You have a soul. Be careful with it,” and “Reach out to someone in pain”, and a few affirmations of his faith.
That @prattprattpratt at the #MTVAwards ?
“If you are strong, be a protector. If you are smart, be a humble influencer. Strength and intelligence can be weapons, so do not wield them against the weak. That makes you a bully. Be bigger than that” https://t.co/uEVHh1MdH3
— Sara Grant (@ItsMeSaraG) June 19, 2018
But perhaps the most valuable lesson Pratt shared was how to poop at a party without stinking up the bathroom. I mean, we’ve all been there.
Apparently, it’s all about minimising the amount of time that the poop’s touching the air. Get all your pee out first, then poop, flush, boom!
LIFE ADVICE IN 3 WORDS:#MTVAwards @prattprattpratt pic.twitter.com/04z7ZFbXdF
— GIPHY Pop (@GiphyPop) June 19, 2018
According to Pratt, it’s real scientific: peeing on top of your poop stirs up the poop particles, which create a cloud that floats out of the bathroom and into the party and, well, everyone will know your dirty secret.
Of course, adhering to this strict pee-then-poop sequence might be easier for men to achieve than women. Men seem to be able to divide peeing and pooping into separate acts. For women, it’s a little more complicated as one GOAT employee described it’s a bit like opening the floodgates – it all comes out at once.
But we appreciate the breakdown, Chris. I’ll be sure to laminate Number 8 and hang it on my bathroom for all visitors to see.
Check out the full list of Pratt’s Life Advice below:
1. “Breathe. If you don’t, you will suffocate.”
2. “You have a soul. Be careful with it.”
3. “Don’t be a turd. If you are strong, be a protector. If you are smart, be a humble influencer. Strength and intelligence can be weapons, so do not wield them against the weak. That makes you a bully. Be bigger than that.”
4. “When giving a dog medicine, put the medicine in a little piece of hamburger and they won’t even know they’re eating medicine.”
5. “It doesn’t matter what it is. Earn it. A good deed. Reach out to someone in pain. Be of service. It feels good and it’s good for your soul.”
6. “God is real. God loves you, God wants the best for you. Believe that, I do.”
7. “If you have to poop at a party, but you’re embarrassed because you’re going to stink up the bathroom, just do what I do. Lock the door, sit down, get all of the pee out first. And then, once all the pee is done, poop, flush, boom! You minimise the amount of time that the poop’s touching the air. Because if you poop first, it takes you longer to pee and then you’re peeing on top of it, stirring up the poop particles, create a cloud, goes out, then everyone at the party will know that you pooped. Just trust me, it’s science.”
8. “Learn to pray. It’s easy, and it is so good for your soul.”
9. “Nobody is perfect. People will tell you that you are perfect just the way that you are, you are not! You are imperfect. You always will be, but there is a powerful force that designed you that way, and if you are willing to accept that, you will have grace. And grace is a gift. Like the freedom that we enjoy in this country, that grace was paid for with somebody else’s blood. Do not forget that. Don’t take that for granted.”
