Bleats

Before Chris Hemsworth Was Thor, He Bombed It On These God-Tier Aussie Shows

Not sure whether to laugh or cringe.

I wouldn’t say Chris Hemsworth is my favourite Hemsworth, but his biceps are definitely my favourite. 

But before he was God’s gift to the world or even a God himself as Thor, Chris was just an Aussie actor trying to carve a name for himself in the industry. His early works may not be the best showcase of his skillset (if I’m being honest, his acting flopped pretty hard) but does provide the greatest entertainment value. 

We all know old mate Chris was on Home & Away. After all, it’s where all the blonde haired, blue eyed Aussie actors with slightly bogan accents go to learn how to look sexy in slow motion and act outraged that their best friend is sleeping with their long term girlfriend.

But before he was on Home & Away, Chris starred in two other iconic Aussie TV shows. 

The first is Neighbours. Which coincidentally is also where goddess Margot Robbie got her big break, so there’s something to be said about the power of crappy Australian soap operas. 

Nothing to see here. Source: Giphy

On the show, Chris played Jamie Kane who works at car parts wholesaler Moco. He finds his co-worker Stephanie Scully after the place is robbed and questions Steph as to why she did not press the alarm button. He calls the police himself and leaves Steph in an awkward situation as it emerges she knew the robber.

Scandal. 

Love the necklace, Chris. Source: Neighbours

The second show is most definitely my favourite from Chris’ repertoire. I don’t think you’re ready for this…

…Chris Hemworth was in The Saddle Club. 

My face^. Source: Giphy

He didn’t play just anyone, no, he played ‘The Hot Vet’.

The hot vet also appeared to be a bit of an arse and a very bad actor but we’ll forgive him because this is TV gold: 

#NeverForget. 

Speaking of things to never forget, there’s also the small fact that Chris was on the 2006 season of Dancing With The Stars Australia. 

Yep, that’s right, not only is he good looking, talented and has biceps that definitely look like they can keep you safe at night, the guy can dance. 

Well, kinda. It’s mostly hilarious and I’m here for all of the Hemsworth DWTS content.

So whenever you’re having a day; whenever you feel as though you’ll never achieve your dreams and that you’re too boring or ugly and insignificant, remember two things: 

  1. You’re beautiful and amazing and capable. 
  2. If Chris Hemsworth can go from The Saddle Club to Hollywood, then so can you. 

‘Round The Twist’ Is Still The Most Cooked Show In Australian TV History

Have you ever felt like this?

Disclaimer: GOAT and its employees take no responsibility for the Round The Twist theme song getting stuck in your head after reading this article. It’s not our fault it’s so damn catchy.

Round The Twist is one of the most iconic shows the 1990s pumped into your underage brain.

Scratch that, it IS the most iconic show (sorry, Play School).

There’s been nothing like it on TV since that fateful day in 2001 when its last episode aired.

And probably for good reason. Because Round The Twist was seriously cooked.

The basic premise of the series sounds normal enough. Three (I’m gonna say it) bogan Aussie children and their widowed father live in a lighthouse in a fictional coastal town. In said town there are other bogans who do not like the Twist family and try a bunch of different things to kick them out of their lighthouse home.

Like I said, it sounds normal enough. Except the lighthouse is haunted/magic/spooky/seriously f**ked up which makes for some haunted/magic/spooky/seriously f**ked up television.

There was the Season Three episode called ‘The Ice Cream Man Cometh’ in which an ice cream machine became a person and created ice cream by eating things and ejecting it all from his nose.

It sounds gross. It looks terrifying.

But that’s not even the scariest part. Linda, one of the three Twist children, fell in love with him and stayed in love with him even after he turned back into an ice cream machine.

So yeah, just your totally average teenage love story.

And then there was the Season One episode ‘The Cabbage Patch Fib’ which featured a green baby which just chilled in a cabbage patch with its whole cabbage patch family. And no one batted an eyelid.

????????????

And who could forget this human-bird hybrid monster thing from Season Four?

The giant human-sized bird with human eyes followed Bronson around and wouldn’t stop singing. It sounds exactly like one of my nightmares (probably because it actually ended up being one of my nightmares).

Somehow, everyone on the show thought the bird was super cool instead of freaking terrifying – but I’ve never looked at birds or people or life the same way since.

Round The Twist also ruined how I look at almost every human body part and bodily fluid.

There was this:

And this:

And the Season Three episode, ‘Whirling Derfish’, where Bronson got a fish stuck up his peen which helped him win the school swimming contest.

And of course, the famous (read: traumatising) pregnancy episode ‘The Big Burp’, Season 3.

You know, the one where Pete pees on a tree and gets pregnant.

And goes into labour.

And gives birth.

Through his nose.

Yeah. That one.

I have no idea how Round The Twist got commissioned, let alone how it aired a total of 52 episodes.

That’s a whole lot of crazy.

But let’s be real, as wacky as it was, it was also pretty bloody great.

Don’t ask me why, there is no logic here. I was terrified, but I always went back for more. There was nothing like singing along as the credits opened on ABC and wondering what weirdness I was about to witness.

If you’re a sucker for reliving a bit of childhood trauma then you’re in luck… because every single episode of Round The Twist is available to watch on YouTube.

You’re welcome.

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