It started with a simple question: one of my kids wondering what the difference is between Violet Crumble and Crunchie.
But as the incredibly scientific analysis that followed was played out, it became clear some things can divide us more swiftly than an Australian political partyroom debating how best to ignore refugees and climate change.
We do like to run an experimental household. Got a good question? Let’s test the idea and search for a rational, clinical answer. In the battle we dubbed the #honeycombover, the question seemed best answered with some delicious choc-coated honeycomb bars sliced and diced for side-by-side taste tests.
Household food science: testing our preferences in the Violet Crumble vs Crunchie wars. pic.twitter.com/DDf3DZfG0r
— Seamus Byrne (@seamus) September 11, 2018
But wait, I hear some immediately interject, did you perform the taste test as a double-blind experiment? No we did not. Yes, of course we could have. But we decided everyone knows the basic differences in textures and colours, so it seemed best to embrace all our senses and just give our best, objective perspectives on sight, smell, taste, mouth feel, and whatever other fancy words leapt to mind.
See? Serious Objective Science.
Naturally, as the test process began, I did what I do with most everything in life – overshare on social media. And it seemed there were some very clear cut loyalties online.
Violet Crumble lovers emphasised the preference for a better quality of honeycomb: the smooth, satisfying shatter that was more than just a marketing catch cry.
The Crunchie lovers pointing to the Cadbury chocolate quality as well as a more ‘intense’ honeycomb flavour than the sweeter Violet Crumble.
Anti-Crunchie agitators said the honeycomb tasted burnt, and that it crunched awkwardly and too sharply for comfort.
Anti-Crumblers flagged the use of inferior compound chocolate as a deal breaker.
What seemed to shine through was a sense that if there was a milk chocolate coated version of the kind of honeycomb you get in a Crumble, there would be one thousand years of unity throughout the land.
In the heat of argument, I threw polls at Twitter and Facebook, and more opinions joined the fray.
The ‘none-ycomb’ brigade, who wanted to vote that it’s all just gross. The fans of generic supermarket brand choc-honeycomb squares as the only worthy option.
Even some who chose Crunchie because of the 1988 “Change the colour of your day” ad – featuring Naomi Watts in an even earlier role than the eternal classic lamb roast commercial.
In a world where politics has become so vitriolic, so embittered, so gutter-bound, it’s nice to remember there are other things with far less consequence that can divide us into tribal warfare.
In the end, Twitter declared Violet Crumble the victor: 60/40.
Facebook decided Crunchie was the best: 53/47.
And thus the endless battle shall rage ever onward.
In our household, the experiment ended with a split decision. For some this may have shattered the family unit like a poorly transported box of Violet Crumbles. But in a show of peace, we found common ground – if we were stuck with just one or the other, it’d still be a perfectly enjoyable treat.
I hope the politicians are listening.
