Readers, I make no secret of the fact that I am a cheese fiend. I will eat all the cheeses. The mouldier and smellier, the better. There is literally nothing better than sitting down after a long day and eating some randomly curdled dairy products until you pass out and have weird cheese dreams.
Which makes the following news all the more exciting, to me specifically: After studying an unknown white substance found in an Ancient Egyptian pot during an archaeological dig a few years ago, scientist have confirmed that they have found some of the world’s oldest cheese.
The good shit.
As published in the journal Analytical Chemistry, the absolutely wild bite is approximately 3,200 years old.
Yes, we’re talking about Ancient Egyptian cheese. The beautifully rare cut, aged from the days of pyramids and mummies until now.
I must eat it. I demand to eat the ancient cheese.
Me @ this cheese
Of course, being 3200 years old, someone had to come and spoil the fun by saying it was cursed or some shit, just like the last time we found some cool consumable in Egypt. In this case, it turns out that my new ancient cheese child may have led to the spread of disease.
Speaking to The New York Times, scientists said that they found trace elements of the bacteria common in unpasteurized dairy that causes brucellosis, whose symptoms include fevers, nausea, and muscle pains, all of which may never go away.
Still, for a chance to eat a cheese that been aged for so long it’s outlived most religions?
My last words as I die due to the ancient cheese.
Yeah, I’d take the bullet.