Bleats

Leonardo DiCaprio Is Why The Amazon Rainforest Is Burning According To Brazil's Wacko Pres

Yep, that definitely sounds correct.

Stop the presses everyone because we have a massive reveal that’ll rock the boat: Hollywood superstar and committed environmentalist Leonardo DiCaprio is actually the man behind the burning of the Amazon rainforest.

Shocker right?

He had us fooled this whole time.

This comes from *checks notes* Brazil’s wacko far-right president, Jair Bolsonaro, who’s been going around telling reporters and folks on Facebook (as per The Guardian) that Leo is bankrolling the deliberate burning of the Amazon because of, uh, reasons.

No one really knows what was going on in Jair’s head when he decided to go around screaming “This Leonardo DiCaprio’s a cool guy, isn’t he? Giving money for the Amazon to be torched,” but presumably it has something to do with Jair preferring to blame Leo for bankrolling the fires instead of acknowledging the crap job he’s done on handling the deforestation of the Amazon.

Jair also really, really hates environmental campaigners, NGOs and basically anyone who have spoken out in defence of the Amazon and has criticised him for his questionable stances on the environment so there’s also that.

Jair Bolsonaro in a nutshell.

Then again, we shouldn’t be surprised that Jair is sprouting this sort of nonsense. After all, this is the same chap who has been called the “Trump of the tropics” and thinks “it’s enough to poop every other day” is the appropriate response to fixing the climate crisis.

To be fair though, Leonardo DiCaprio is indeed bankrolling some kind of activity in Brazil. And by that we mean he pledged $5 million in funding to help fight the fires in the Amazon rainforest.

Between Trump failing his way into impeachment in the U.S., Boris Johnson making a clot of things in the UK, Scott Morrison doing whatever he’s doing in Australia and Jair making up ridiculous lies about Hollywood stars who are doing environmental things he doesn’t like, it’s almost like every world leader is doing limbo in a desperate attempt to lower the bar.

If we are to blame Leonardo DiCaprio for anything, it’s for avoiding the question of whether Jack could’ve fit on the door at the end of Titanic.

Hey Jeremy Clarkson, Blame Yourself For The Death Of The Car Show, Not Greta Thunberg

In the words of James May: Clarkson, you utter pillock.

Jeremy Clarkson is really intimidated by Greta Thunberg isn’t he? The Grand Tour host and former Top Gear presenter previously went after the teen in The Sun for loudly speaking up about climate change and now he’s blaming her for the death of the car shows and young people’s general interest in cars.

Look, we’re not sure either, Hammond.

Chatting to The Sun (again), Jeremy Clarkson cranked up his inner pillock to OK boomer levels and laid the seemingly lack of interest in cars by millennials and Gen Z squarely at Greta’s feet.

“Everyone I know under 25 isn’t the slightest bit interested in cars — Greta Thunberg has killed the car show.

“They’re taught at school, before they say ‘Mummy and Daddy’, that cars are evil, and it’s in their heads.”

Okay, I see what you’re getting at there, Jeremy, but perhaps you should look at the part you’ve played in killing the car show rather than blaming a teenager for trying to do something about the climate crisis.

You’ve been hosted a car show of some sort with the same irreverent schtick since 1988 and it was honestly quite entertaining during your early Top Gear days.

Not only did you, James May and Richard Hammond set the bar so incredibly high that no other car show can hope to match it, you’re still chugging along well after your prime years. So maybe it’s time to admit that watching a 60-year-old man trying to be funny and relevant while driving around in super cars like a lunatic isn’t as charming as it once was.

And besides, kids are also more likely going to have posters of young F1 superstars like Lewis Hamilton or Daniel Ricciardo on their bedroom walls rather than that of grumpy old men like Jeremy Clarkson.

More like The Bland Tour.

Having blurted out a heap of rubbish in his usual unfiltered “Jeremy Clarkson” manner, the TV host does ultimately say something that’s rooted in common sense as he concedes that climate change is a thing and those denying the crisis are morons, though he can’t help but squeeze in a final shot at Greta.

“For the first time ever, we’ve had global warming rammed down our throats — and we’ve not been idiotic, it’s very definitely a thing. You can change your mind.

“Only an idiot doesn’t change their mind when faced with irrefutable evidence. The question is, what to do about it? That’s a more interesting debate than what is happening.

“She’s an idiot. Going round saying we’re all going to die, that’s not going to solve anything, my dear.”

But the most ironic thing out of all this is how Greta Thunberg’s climate crisis concerns have found their way into season four of Clarkson’s The Grand Tour.

In the episode titled ‘Seamen’ (see what I mean by trying to be funny and relevant?), Clarkson, May and Hammond acknowledge the impact of climate change in a non-mocking way and end up travelling from Cambodia to Vietnam in boats rather than their usual selection of cars.

So before going around and pointing the finger at Greta Thunberg for killing car shows like Top Gear and The Grand Tour, Jeremy Clarkson, maybe consider the fact that kids these days are simply not interested in being told what cars are cool by 60-year-old white man.

Steven Spielberg, Is Flogging Phones The Future You Envisioned For 'ET'?

E.T. has officially sold out.

ET The Extra-Terrestrial is one of those all-time classic films where a sequel would’ve completely ruined the magic. But while Steven Spielberg has decided against making a full-blown sequel, he has now acquiesced to a short film follow-up that sees ET and an adult Elliott reunite decades later.

Now this is fine and all, except for the fact that this ET The Extra-Terrestrial pseudo-sequel is nothing more than a glorified ad for Xfinity products.

Hey Steven Spielberg, you seemed pretty adamant that you weren’t going to make a sequel to ET The Extra-Terrestrial because you (rightfully) thought it would do nothing but tarnish the original film.

So what made you change your mind on letting other people make a follow-up film that’s in reality nothing more than an ad aimed at flogging Xfinity items? Is selling phones and smart TVs the future you envisioned for the beloved extra-terrestrial?

Guess we should’ve expected a sellout move like this at some point given his recent agenda against Netflix.

Annoyingly, the other big issue with this short film is that it’s actually pretty damn heartwarming. Selling out to Xfinity aside, there’s something truly touching in seeing ET and Elliott finally reuniting after all these years, having ET meet Elliott’s family, and everyone celebrating the holidays together.

This short film has stirred up a bunch of mixed feelings. On one hand, it managed to recapture the ET magic without all the messy parts while still respecting the original 1982 masterpiece.

But on the other hand, it’s still a goddamn advertisement for flogging Xfinity stuff.

It’s honestly tough to reconcile these two things with this short film because it feels wrong to see ET be used in such a capitalistic manner and yet it’s kind of great to see him again after all these years.

Perhaps ET should’ve stayed home a bit longer.

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