Simon Hills-Johnes

Simon Hills-Johnes is a regular freelance contributor to Nova FM.

As Per The Conditions Of Our Defeat In The Emu War Of 1932, Emboldened Emus Arrive In Broken Hill To Assert Their Feathery Dominance

It's Cheaper To Live In A Luxury Villa Than Your Filthy Sydney Apartment, So Screw Your Flatmates And Skip Town

Woodchopping Cements Place As The Best Sport In The World By Taking Massive Step Towards Gender Equality

What I Assume Happened On The Bachelor, Based On Stuff All Over My Social Feeds And What People Are Saying Around The Office

Heineken Has Released A Weed Beer, So Those Of You Who Are Sick Of Getting Drunk On Beer Can Finally Get High On Beer

Chill, Guys, Scientists Have Found Other Potential Planets To Live On, So We Can Totally Go Back To Destroying This One

New Study Finds That A Pint Of Beer A Day May Ward Off Dementia. If You Have A Study That Proves Otherwise, Please Keep It To Yourself

Is Kim Jong-Un A Ruthless Dictator, Or Just The Annoying Dude On Your Last Contiki Trip? New Photos Suggest The Latter

The Condoms Of The Future Are Coming From Wollongong, Thanks To New South Wales Government Grant

People Are Washing Their Hair With Champagne Because Only Peasants Use Water For Such Things

A Meteorite Has Brought A New Mineral To Earth, And It’s Probably Not An Alien Symbiote, But It Has Arrived Just In Time For Tom Hardy's New Venom Film

The Spyra Is The Electric Water Pistol Of The Future, And If Someone Could Lend Me Their Credit Card, That Would Be Great, Thanks