Arnott’s Assorted Creams biscuit pack is much like Monopoly in the way that it has the power and capacity to absolutely annihilate long-standing relationships by literally just existing.
The Assorted Creams are made up of the Monte Carlo Creams, Delta Creams, Orange Slices, Shortbread Creams and Kingstons. Ranking these from worst to best, Delta Creams can sit at the bottom like the budget Oreo that she is.
Kingstons come in second to last because they’re just tiny Anzac biccie sandwiches with weird chocolate garbage in between. I really don’t rate them at all, and I refuse to join the hype around these little horrid morsels.
Monte Carlo and Shortbreads tie in the runner-up spot because they’re both equally good but not great. If anything, Shortbreads could pull ahead on a good day.
The crowning glory. The daddy of the pack. The big kahuna. Papa Biccie.
The Orange Slice.
The fake orange whiff is second to none, the soft biscuit, the minimal crumb-age, the perfect size and shape for a single bite if you’re sitting on the couch and watching re-runs of The Office, the little crease in the middle if you’re a self-respecting adult and want to actually bite that bitch in half – it’s perfect.
Don’t fight me on this, and don’t fight yourself. This is the most important piece of journalism you will ever consume. I’m stoked to be pushing my agenda onto people who did not ask for it, but will definitely become better people under my watchful eye.
Go forth and be educated.