Bleats

The Ultimate Survivor Is Josie Alibrandi Who’s Defied The Laws Of Time And Still Looks Like A Teenager

Proof that tomatoes are good for you

Looking For Alibrandi is an Australian icon. It’s cherished with the likes of Nikki Webster, Budgie Smugglers and Vegemite. It’s the film that taught a whole generation of Australians how to cope with being a teenager, that not coping is okay, and that every family is a little bit nuts. 

Pia Miranda, the actor who brought Josie Alibrandi to life, is also an Australian icon. 

True, After Looking For Alibrandi Pia didn’t go on to star in anything of major note, but the one movie is enough: she will forever be cherished as the loud, strong-headed Italian teenager who made us all want to date a dude called Jacob. 

Even though it feels like yesterday, Pia played the role of Josie 19 years ago. 19 YEARS. Pia is now 46 years old even though I swear she hasn’t aged a day in the last two decades. 

But it’s not only her face which has defied the laws of time: it’s her body too, because Pia is on the upcoming season of Australian Survivor

So she’s ageless and fighting fit. Turns out all those tomatoes were good for something other than family bonding and a lifetime of pasta sauce.

Yowies Are Real So Guess I’m Becoming A Hermit

Nightmare material.

Horror movies are my personal brand of hell: possessed dolls and demons and human centipedes are a huge no from me. 

Supernatural horror especially terrifies me. It makes me so paranoid that I’ll even block my ears and close my eyes if a movie trailer comes on while I’m watching TV. 

Where can I get me some zippable eyelids? Source: Giphy

So when I heard that two Aussie teens recorded the sounds of a Yowie howling I basically peed my pants. 

Then I listened to the recording and I definitely peed my pants. Movies are one thing, but real life monsters are a whole other ball game that I do not want to participate in. 

Yowies are basically the Australian version of big foot. They’re big, fury, scary monsters said to live in the outback. 

Translation: NO THANK YOU. 

NOPE. Source: Giphy

The two teens were reportedly star gazing in the Gold Coast’s Tallebudgera Valley when they heard a “deep, moaning growl.”

Because a wild animal growling in your vicinity is apparently not terrifying, the kids hung around to suss out the sound. 

“We were sitting there and then started to hear the sound. It was clearly large,” one of the teens, Harrison Ryan, told The Courier Mail

“It was deep moaning growling, but wasn’t consistent. We were trying to see whether a cow would make that sound. We weren’t too sure and stuck around for another half an hour listening.”

Then, they went back two nights later. THAT’S LIKE EVERY MISTAKE IN EVERY HORROR MOVIE EVER: YOU NEVER GO BACK TO THE SCARY PLACE. 

Legitimate question. Source: Giphy

The scariest part about this whole story is that it’s not just two teens talking smack to scare people. Their claims have been supported by a legitimate zoologist and ABC wildlife expert, Gary Opit. 

There is always a possibility it could be the bellowing of cattle, but given where the recording was made I am inclined to think it was a yowie. The yowie calls are always very powerful calls,” he told The Courier Mail. 

Mr Opit claims to have heard yowie roars himself on a number of occasions in the Hinterland. Oh, and there were reports last week that 

The reports follow claims last week that a Currumbin Valley family had been stalked by a “large hairy animal” and the discovery of a large “footprint” at Mount French.

This is how I die. Source: Giphy

I’m officially never leaving my house again. I wonder how long I can ration the food in my pantry… 

Percy Jackson Had So Much Potential And We Were Robbed

ROBBED.

The things we learn, see and encounter as teenagers shape us into the adults we eventually become. There are a few main things that defined my transition from awkward teenager to awkward adult: Twilight (Team Edward 4 Eva), Harry Potter, and Percy Jackson

I realise now that relying so heavily on tween franchises probably wasn’t a healthy thing, but let’s save that chat for my therapist. 

The first two franchises, Twilight and Harry Potter, have carved out perfect spots in my heart. 

Percy Jackson on the other hand is a little tainted. I loved the films mostly on principle: all things ancient history is my nerdy pleasure and Logan Lerman is very easy on the eyes, especially when you’re 14-years-old and go to an all girls school. 

Winning (with that face). Source: Giphy

Despite all my love for the Percy Jackson films, there was always a little part of me that felt disappointed. But it wasn’t immediate. 

The first film of the series, Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010), delivered. The leading actors were cast well, on appearance and skill, and the plot followed the book pretty bang on. I loved seeing my favourite mythological heroes and creatures come to life on screen.

But three years later when film number two was released, Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013), my initial excitement had dwindled a little which meant my expectations were higher. I wanted something just as epic, if not better, than the first film. These movies were supposed to be the next big thing in the fantasy-blockbuster genre. 

They weren’t. 

This^ I feel in my soul. The Percy Jackson movies were intended for greatness but instead only achieved mediocre status. They’re the kind of films that get a lot of attention on release- mainly from their fanbase- and then fizzle out in the months following. 

They’re the kind of films I happily go back and rewatch because they’re enjoyable but not necessarily because they’re good. 

As a fan, it’s an upsetting reality. 

But it’s part of the risk that comes with adapting a popular book series to the big screen, especially when the original author is not allowed the same amount of creative control. Rick Riordan is the mind behind the original Percy Jackson books but his involvement in the production of the movies was limited. Which is exactly why they lacked spark- because they lacked his genius. 

I’m not dragging the movies just because I can. My disappointment is shared among fans far and wide.

There are five Percy Jackson books but only two movies. There was so much potential but we were robbed of it. 

There’s hope though. In December 2017, The Walt Disney Company acquired 21st Century Fox, including the film rights for Percy Jackson & The Olympians. It’s unknown if Disney will continue the series or reboot it completely. 

Anything Disney touches turns to gold so I have faith Percy Jackson will one day achieve god-status. 

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