Remember when that pilot in Adelaide got so bored they decided to draw dicks in the sky because why the hell not?
Well folks, it appears they aren’t the only one who have an affinity of drawing male genitals in weird places because someone has been going around Melbourne’s sport’s ovals and sketching giant dicks into the grass.
To make sure this wasn’t just some fake prank, I went on Google Earth for research purposes and I can confirm first-hand that these massive schlongs do indeed exist.
So far this mysterious penis vandal has struck TW Blake Park, Preston, where they drew three wangs, one of which spanned the radius of the oval. I’m no investigator but I would hazard a guess that the smaller penises were practise attempts for the big one.
Third time lucky.
The vandal also targeted John Cain Memorial Park in Thornbury, where it appears they were still lacking a bit of practice of the giant dicks. The smaller ones were getting pretty good though.
Execution is sloppy but the size is impressive.
And lastly, there were two more wangs spotted in Hayes Park, Thornbury, though it appears that this was an earlier attempt by the vandal as grass has started regrowing over these dicks.
A premature finish.
While some folks (okay, just me) were impressed at the efforts of this penis vandal, others were unamused, and it’s not because the quality of the dicks ranged between poor to average.
Mayor and Darebin councillor Susan Rennie wasn’t particularly happy with Melbourne’s new batch of crop circles, saying:
“Darebin Council condemns this type of irresponsible vandalism on our parks and sports grounds. It is not a cheap joke – fixing the affected ovals is complex, costly and time-consuming.
“Council is taking action to remove the graffiti, but it can take months for the grass to recover, during which time our community are left using substandard grounds which can be a safety hazard.”
That’s fair enough. As impressive as these wangs are, it is a bit of a, ahem, dick move to vandalise the pristine lawns of popular sports ovals that are visited by people all the time.
After all, no one wants their kid to trip over on a dick-shaped patch of dirt when they’re trying to play sportsball.
At the time of writing, no one knows who the penis vandal is, though it is believed he – because let’s be honest, it’s almost definitely a guy – drew these phallic glyphs at some point in late 2018 as part of some high school “muck-up” prank.
Expensive vandalism aside (which we don’t condone at all of course), we have to give props to the vandal for the audacity and ambition of this prank.
We may never know who did it or if they’ll strike again, but they’re out there, perhaps waiting for the right time to make a triumphant return with yet another phallic crop circle.