Bleats

Kevin The Kookaburra Was Decapitated Because A Manbaby Lost His Temper

Nothing warrants the decapitation of a kookaburra. Nothing.

People lose their temper from time to time and it’s a natural thing. But there’s nothing natural about a puffy-chested bro getting so enraged that decapitating a kookaburra’s head is considered to be a reasonable action to take.

The Parkerville Tavern in Perth is not only home to pubgoers, it is also the local hang out spot for a kookaburra, known locally as Kevin, who has a tendency to steal food from people’s plates.

According to 9News, a man was at the Parkerville Tavern when Kevin stole some of his food. Enraged, the man reportedly attacked Kevin and ripped it’s head off in retaliation.

Sadly for Kevin, it doesn’t look like he’ll get any justice either as the manbaby has not been charged due to a weird loophole in the Animal Welfare Act.

In a statement from RSPCA WA, Chief Inspector Amanda says Kevin’s “horrific” decapitation may not constitute as an offence under the Animal Welfare Act 2002.

“While RSPCA WA Inspectors can only take action under the Animal Welfare Act where an animal has suffered, the incident with Kevin the Kookaburra may have contravened laws designed specifically to protect native wildlife.”

So in other words, the man couldn’t be charged for ripping off a kookaburra’s head because it was killed so quickly that it didn’t suffer and thus doesn’t meet the standard of “animal cruelty”.

Uhhh, what?!?

That being said, RSPCA WA is still pursuing the matter and is calling for stricter laws to ensure this sort of horrendous behaviour doesn’t happen again or go unpunished.

Agriculture and Food Minister, Alannah MacTiernan, has confirmed that the incident is under review, saying: “We are now checking with the department whether or not this can be characterised as an act of animal cruelty.”

There’s eating live possums level of cooked but this is a whole new level of twisted altogether. Seriously, how could any reasonable person justify the decapitation of a kookaburra by claiming it stole some food off your plate?

Here’s hoping Kevin the kookaburra receives the justice he deserves and the manbaby who did the terrible act gets his just deserts.

Today I Learned Of 'Rack Man', One Of Australia's Most Notorious Unsolved Murders

25 years on and still no closer to solving the mystery.

Australia is a big country with even bigger mysteries, many of which remain unsolved. Of the many strange happenings that have happened Down Under over the years, there are few that boggle the mind more than the creepy unsolved murder of “Rack Man”.

In 1994, Mark Peterson was out fishing on the Hawkesbury River in Sydney and hoping for a good catch. The sun was shining and conditions were ripe for a great day.

After feeling a heavy tug on his fishing net, Mark thought he struck gold. But it turns out his catch wasn’t the school of fish he had hoped. Instead, it was a crude steel crucifix with the remains of a human body, which was wrapped in plastic and arranged accordingly, tied to it.

Needless to say that Mark’s day went from great to horrible in record time.

After calling the police immediately (and presumably retiring from fishing immediately), the body was retrieved for examination.

Once forensic pathologists did their magic on the body, they found that the body belonged to a Caucasian male with dark hair aged between 21 to 41 who had died from a big blow to the head. Beyond establishing a basic description and confirmation that the dude was pretty short (a mere 163cm tall, give or take a bit), the police were immediately stumped.

Since the body was so eroded by the water, identifying features like fingerprints and DNA samples were impossible to use meaning that the identity of the deceased man remains a mystery.

With Rack Man unable to be identified, it also meant that figuring out his killer and the circumstances that led to his watery discovery was next-to-impossible for the police since they literally have nothing to go off.

After attempts at figuring out Rack Man’s identity using the clothes off his body failed, the police reconstructed the man’s face using computers and spread the word out to the public in hopes of getting the lead that’s evaded then.

But despite many tips, false rumours and initial promising leads into Rack Man’s identity, the case remains as one of Australia’s most notorious unsolved murders even today as police have yet to close it.

At the time of writing, the remains of Rack Man lie in a morgue somewhere, waiting for someone to come and hopefully shed some light on who this mysterious person is.

Sorry Shane Warne, Leo DiCaprio Has Better Things To Do Than Play You In A Film

Doesn't hurt to ask I suppose.

It doesn’t matter what Shane Warne does, he’ll always be known for his cricket achievements. He clearly knows that so he’s leaning right into that by heading to Hollywood to discuss making a movie about his career.

According to The Herald Sun, the cricket legend is in talks about a script based on his 2008 Indian Premier League triumph with the Rajasthan Royals. He says it won’t be a “completely true story” and will be “all sorts of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll stuff”.

As for who will play “Shane Warne” in this hypothetical film, Warne has two names in mind: Leonardo DiCaprio or Chris Hemsworth because they’re “super cool.”

It’s understandable you’d want the best and hottest actor to play a Hollywood-ised version of yourself in a film about your life, but let’s be real here, there is no way in hell Leonardo DiCaprio or Chris Hemsworth will play Shane Warne, either in a movie or in the cricket field.

No shade on the guy but let’s be real, Leo is incredibly selective about his work, not to mention he is super expensive. When he’s not acting in the next Martin Scorsese or Quentin Tarantino film, he’s either saving the world or hanging out with his 25-year-old model girlfriend. A niche film about cricket just doesn’t seem like a thing he’ll want to touch.

As for Chris Hemsworth, well he’s blond, a fellow Aussie and knows all about cricket. Damn, there’s actually a possibility it could happen.

Don’t rule it out.

But say Chris does say yes, it is still pretty unlikely to see this film happen because cricket is a boring enough sport to watch, let alone making a movie about it. When you think cricket, you think “afternoon nap” and “beer”, not “all sorts of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll stuff” as Shane describes his take on it.

Should the film fall through, he’s also hoping to put together a documentary called Shane, which will be about his life and career (unsurprisingly).

All in all, it seems like Shane Warne is trying to break into Hollywood in his own way and if in the off chance Leonardo DiCaprio or Chris Hemsworth ends up playing him in a movie, well crazier things have happened.

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