Australia, we need to talk about our public holidays.
Sure, there are those who are scuttling away for ten unbroken days of time off with the whole Easter-Anzac Day alignment because they were smart enough to book in their three days of leave, but the mere fact that is a thing is possible just illustrates how lousy our system currently is.
Let’s have a look at the way things are currently arranged. And the short version is that it’s frontloaded like an album that opens with all the singles and then has nothing but songs by the drummer.
Shut up about your stupid octopuses, Ringo.
Late December to January has too many public holidays. Obviously New Years Day has to stay, as does the whole Xmas/Boxing Day era, but the biggest argument for changing the date of Australia Day is that it just gives a short week right when we’re adjusting to being back at work.
Then February: nothing.
In March half the nation gets the second Monday off for Reasons, and that’s just confusing. And then April takes the cake with the Easter/Anzac glut. It’s a wonder any of us even turn up for the month.
Australia, mid-April
And after that?
Queensland and the NT get a day off in May, everyone bar Queensland and WA gets the Queen’s Birthday holiday in June, and then there’s nothing in July or August or September (except for WA’s showoffy Queen’s Birthday holiday).
In October Queensland take off a day for the Queen’s Birthday and HONESTLY WHY DO WE LET THEM DO THAT? And there are a handful of scattered dates for NSW and Victoria for horses and stuff, and other than that it’s nothing until Xmas.
Clearly Australia can do better.
With that in mind, here are my suggestions for how to fix things. We just add a few more holidays to the back end of the national calendar. And these are the obvious choices:
June 28: Burke & Wills Deathday – with the right marketing, it could be our own Cinco de Mayo!
August 12: Karl Stefanovic’s Birthday. Self explanatory.
September 14: Winx Day, celebrating the birth of our nation’s first horse PM
October 19: Kick Day, where every Australian plays the best INXS album and goes “you know, it really stands up.”
November 2: Queen’s Dentist Appointment Holiday. Look, it’s no more arbitrary than her birthday, and would be a great opportunity to encourage people to take their dental health seriously.
So, which party will be brave enough to take this platform to the election? Time will tell.