Bleats

Aussie Teens Are Eating Live Possums On Camera Now, Which Is Extremely Normal

Something cooked is happening in Queensland.

Australia really is a country full of weird things and contradictions.

It’s probably the only place in the world where a nightmarish thing like the Huntsman-Eating Spider Wasp exists, and despite a reputation for alcohol and gluttony, it is also one of the healthiest nations on this green(ish) earth.

The latest thing to add to the list is the bizarre new thing kids are doing these days. Instead of normal entertainment options like playing Anthem to pass the time, some Aussie teens are doing some truly awful things to possums, including eating them live while being filmed.

That is not a typo, as much as I want it to be.

Kids these days…

The RSPCA (via news.com.au) has released incredibly disturbing footage of a series of bizarre possum attacks, the most messed up of which involved some Queensland teenager biting chunks of flesh from what appears to be a live possum while his mates egg him on.

Other videos included a man holding a possum in a net before feeding it to his dog, and another man brutally slamming a possum against a wall and throwing it in a bush. It’s not just awful dudes either as the RSPCA also released a photo of two girls posing proudly with a rifle and a dead possum like couple of MAGA cultists.

RSPCA Queensland spokesman Michael Beatty says “these are deliberate and premeditated acts of animal cruelty and show a complete lack of empathy.”

Good grief.

If for some reason you want to watch this footage, check it out in the link above or here because I’m not sullying this site with that stuff. Be warned, it is graphic and not for the faint of heart.

Be better, everyone.

If there is a silver lining to all this, it’s that all these possum-hurting people are in trouble.

The RSPCA issued a statement saying that the women in the photo could be prosecuted if they did shoot the possum as the animal is protected under the Nature Conservation Act. The man who allegedly slammed the possum into a wall was caught and charged by police last month.

We live in a time where the bar is continually being lowered when it comes to proper behaviour – our politicians are decking each other in the halls of parliament for god’s sake – but it appears that we’re nowhere near rock bottom yet.

I have no idea where this recent slew of possum cruelty came from but there is definitely something cooked happening in Queensland. Maybe there’s something in the water, or maybe Sydney’s cocaine has made its way up north or something. Whatever it is, here’s hoping it stops ASAP because this is wrong on so many levels that my fear of heights is acting up.

You can say that again.

The Latest Painkiller For Humans Is Extracted From Stressed-Out Frogs, So Let That Sink In

Please don't go around hunting frogs and stressing them out, everyone.

People get up to some weird things when it comes to drugs. I mean, snorting lines of peppermint powder and getting high off used sanitary pads are apparently things people do nowadays. Yeah.

The latest craze to seize people’s attention isn’t quite on the level of sanitary pads but it is no less messed up because it involves stressing out a bunch of frogs from South America.

Originating from the Amazon basin, this drug is called kambo and it is derived from the secretions of the Phyllomedusa bicolor (aka the giant monkey frog).

Don’t try this at home, kids.

Here’s the catch: these secretions are only produced by the giant monkey frog when they’re incredibly stressed out and thinks it is in danger.

If there is a silver lining to stressing out these poor amphibians, it’s that while these frogs are subjected to humiliating acts like being tied spread-eagle to sticks or being smacked on the head, at least they’re not killed and are released afterwards, presumably for another secretion extraction sesh later.

Unsurprisingly, kambo is mainly advocated by alternative medicine people rather than scientists and hasn’t been supported by medical evidence. However, the stuff is apparently super dope as it’s been used by the Indigenous people of Brazil and Peru for ages due to its serious healing powers.

The drug itself is a natural opioid that’s 40 times stronger than morphine, which makes it a mega-effective painkiller, and apparently it is good for other things like depression and impotence.

That being said, using kambo is a whole ordeal in itself. To take it, you basically have to burn dots into your skin before the drug is applied to your burned flesh. After an hour of vomiting and feeling like rubbish, the good stuff finally kicks in and all your ailments will be cured. Apparently.

If all this hasn’t deterred you from kambo, then you’ll be pleased to know that you won’t need to embark on an Indiana Jones-esque adventure to the Amazon to try this stuff.

People around the world have learned the craft of kambo ceremonies so you can just visit them instead of getting lost in a South American rainforest. The other option is to do a training course on the kambo stuff so you can apply frog secretions on yourself and others.

You know what, thanks but no thanks. Keep your kambo, I’m gonna spare those poor frogs some pain and stick to good ol’ fashioned Panadol, viagra, and therapy instead.

Australia Is Somehow One Of The World's Healthiest Countries So We Might As Well Celebrate With Burgers And Beer

Good onya, Aussies.

Australians are good at quite a few things. In 2019 alone we’ve managed to nominate our best ever candidate for Eurovision in the form of the adorably extra Kate Miller Heidke and managed to make poo bricks into an actual viable building material.

And now we can add another achievement to the list as Australia managed scored a high ranking on Bloomberg’s Healthiest Country Index for 2019 despite your chronic Uber Eats obsession.

According to Bloomberg, Australia is the seventh healthiest country in the world, beating out other supposedly healthier nations like Norway, France, Canada, the US, the UK, and New Zealand (which came in at 18th).

To come up with this ranking, Bloomberg graded nations with at least 300k population and sufficient health data on a number of variables, such as life expectancy and clean water access, while imposing penalties on things like smoking and obesity.

While I think Aussies are healthy because the searing heat causes us to sweat out all the bad stuff, it appears that we’re doing quite well in various big health areas, such as smoking less and life expectancy.

Good stuff, Australia.

As for what the healthiest country is, that honour goes to Spain followed by Italy, Iceland, Japan, Switzerland, and Sweden. While there’s no definitive answer why Spain and Italy are so damn healthy, researchers think the olive oil and nut-heavy Mediterranean diet enjoyed by those two countries is a big factor.

Compared to Australia’s love of democracy sausages, it makes some sense that the Spanish and Italians are in better health than us.

But look, good onya for this great result, Australia, so we might as well go celebrate with some snags and beer.

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