Australian politicians, especially Australian prime ministers, have to be sports fans. That’s as close to an official requirement as exists in our secular democracy
So it’s very, very embarrassing when they clearly aren’t.
.@ScottMorrisonMP ducks under a tennis ball that was fired back at him by a young boy at Mason oval near Adelaide. #ausvotes @TennisSouthAus #auspol @SquigglyRick @James_Jeffrey @dailytelegraph @australian @theheraldsun @heraldsunsport pic.twitter.com/vn8hmJR0wE
— Ramklar (@ramklar) April 23, 2019
We do, of course, have PMs that genuinely loved their sport. John Howard was and is an absolute cricket tragic and Bob Hawke was across pretty much any sport that came his way.
Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd, Tony Abbott, Robert Menzies and Malcolm Fraser were all well known for being mad supporters of their teams of choice (the Western Bulldogs, Brisbane Broncos, Manly Sea Eagles, Carlton, and Carlton, respectively).
I saw a tweet suggesting Tony Abbott was going to be the new coach of Manly Sea Eagles ???
— Maddie Can't Believe You Voted For ScottNo (@maddiet5) August 16, 2018
And then there are the PMs who have attempted to show their person-of-the-people side and failed miserably.
Malcolm Turnbull largely limited his fandom to posting what was definitely someone in his office’s grand final tips, but despite reportedly being a genuine Roosters fan made a less-than-stellar appearance at 2015’s Dally M Awards to give a longwinded play by play of a recent loss which was universally described as “awkward”.
Scott Morrison might be known for bellowing “Go Sharkies” at the drop of one of his many, many baseball caps, but made a faux pas when announcing that he was barracking for “Perth” in last year’s AFL final – presumably meaning the West Coast Eagles – and a trawl through his Twitter suggests that a) he’s really more of a rugby union fan than league, and b) that his love of the game and the Sharkies coincided with his move to the electorate in 2009.
This is all stuff & nonsense, but Morrison & his backers use rugby league to promote an everyman image, and it all seems like it’s a bit of a concoction. pic.twitter.com/B5fISqBU5r
— Matt Burke (@matttburke) September 7, 2018
And his current PM-opponent Bill Shorten wasn’t much better, holding forth on his predictions for the 2015 State of Origin, where he backed… um, the Melbourne Storm. In a clash between Queensland and NSW.
But the least convincing attempts were easily those of Paul Keating, who memorably attempted to pass himself off as a lifelong Collingwood fan and claimed that Steve “Blocker” Roach had “kicked a lot of tries for Balmain”. Youch.
He also failed to recognise the Australian Cricket Team when passing them in a hotel, according to a particularly salty story in his speechwriter Don Watson’s masterful Recollections of a Bleeding Heart. That’s technically treason, right?
And pity his turn at being interviewed by Roy and HG ahead of the election he ended up losing…
Faking sports-love wasn’t always mandatory for PMs though. Harold Holt and Gough Whitlam were more patrons of the arts than sport (Gough was coerced along to a Socceroos match, according to Les Murray, but only on the condition that God Save The Queen was replaced with the yet-to-be-the-national-anthem Advance Australia Fair was played instead).
But kudos to the best sport non-carer-abouter, which was former NSW premier Bob Carr. He legendarily so resented being forced to attend a football game during his tenure that he sat in the stands sulkily reading a thick book on Tolstoy instead of watching the game unfolding on the ground.
Now that’s a leader we can respect.