Whether or not you subscribe to astrology, the popularity of the Mercury retrograde panic has transcended its own genre. The tampering effects of Mercury’s retrograde motion is an excuse that’s widely accepted for a broad matter of sins, but we must use it wisely or risk undermining the validity of the astrological phenomenon altogether.
Otherwise Mercury retrograde will become a thing of ridicule!!!
I will fucking blame all my melt downs and dramatic tendencies on mercury retrograde and no one can stop me!!!!!! Bye
— ? (@Cindy_killa) December 6, 2017
In 2019, Mercury is in retrograde three times from March 5 to 28, July 7 to August 2, and October 31 to November 20. It occurs when Mercury passes Earth in its orbit and as it passes around the bend, giving the illusion that it stops and spin backwards (retrograde).
Mercury retrograde has some serious consequences, especially to do with the breakdown of communication. The specific type of influence you feel depends on which of the 12 zodiac signs Earth is in at the time.
But not every bad thing during that period can be blamed on Mercury, so let’s outline exactly what you can and can not blame on MR when the cursed season comes upon us.
Can Blame MR For: Being Late
When Mercury is not in retrograde, you have to take responsibility for terrible time management that results in arriving late to things. Or at least blame the inadequacy of your transport minister (@GladysNSW).
But during retrograde periods, Mercury takes the fall for your lateness. MR notoriously causes travel delays, so whether you’re travelling by bus, plane, car, or foot, Mercury retrograde will find you, and thins will get messy.
whether you believe in astronomy or not ever since I saw a tweet that said Mercury’s in Gatorade everything’s been mega whack for me and everyone I know
— Emma Tee (@emmuhhhtee) March 14, 2019
Can Not Blame MR For: Being Tired
If you are suffering from a feeling of general exhaustion that is likely because of the endlessly frustrating woes of the conservative capitalist system in which we are all entrapped. Or you have been watching too much Netflix. Maybe try using the bedtime sleep schedule app.
You are not tired because of Mercury.
me: *maybe eats once a day, drinks/eats food terrible for my system, sleeps 4 hours a night*
my body: *gets sick*
me: that goddamn mercury retrograde— Princess Olive (@stopolive) December 5, 2017
Can Blame MR For: Technological Difficulties
Phone screen smashed? Computer crashed? Laptop broken? Headphones Lost? Facebook/Instagram outage?
Not your fault! This one’s on Mercury. Back up your s**t people because it’s a danger zone out there.
Me: Mercury Retrograde tampers with technology.
Facebook: *dies*
Me: pic.twitter.com/7vKz1GtN2O— Wren (@floralvirgo) March 13, 2019
Can Not Blame MR For: Being Horny
This is not a known impact of Mercury retrograde so you will have to take full responsibility for your thirst. However, lack of libido could be connected to the communication breakdown that MR is responsible for, so that you can blame on the planetary movements.
Mercury is in retrograde and I have the WEIRDEST boner
I don’t know how astrology works
— Wonder Boy? (@CdyRnkn) December 3, 2017
Can Blame MR For: Reconnecting With Your Ex
Mercury retrograde is an infamously bad time to start new relationships, and apparently a good time to refocus and renew their old or existing relationships.
So don’t be surprised if you get an urge to text your ex, or you get a text from your ex. If you can’t resist the backslide, you can most definitely blame it all on MR.
would it truly be mercury retrograde if your ex didn’t hit you up?
— ??? ????? ????? (@venusianhunny) March 9, 2019
Can Blame MR For: Lost Mail
Apparently Mercury rules the postal system(???)
Mercury retrograde got me like. pic.twitter.com/6T0cE2bxem
— chocho? (@fokinjuancho) March 13, 2019
Can Blame MR For: Email F**k Ups
Watch yourself or you’ll end up sending conversation screenshots to the person whose conversation you were screenshotting, or sending bitchy comments about your boss in a DM to your boss, like a true Mercury retrograde fool.
Read over your emails, your documents, and your private shading, before you send, to save yourself some suffering.
show mercury retrograde who's boss by sabotaging yourself. you don't even need it. *it* should be afraid of *you!*
— JuanPa (@jpbrammer) December 5, 2017
Can Not Blame For: Spending $$$
Sorry, not a symptom of Mercury retrograde boo, just your own poor fiscal decision-making.
To be fair though, you could qualify the cash expenditure as a coping-mechanism for the rest of the Mercury retrograde drama, if it makes you feel better.
It's Mercury Retrograde!
Don't drive. Don't take the train, let alone the plane. Don't take the bus, don't make a fuss. Don't touch a bicycle. Don't walk. Don't talk. Don't move. Just freeze. This too will pass.— Jean-Marc Pierson (@orfray) March 6, 2019
Can Blame MR For: Loss Of Focus
So the idea that MR can make you feel frazzled is abstract enough that it can effectively be used to excuse almost all other behaviour during Mercury retrograde. This is a loophole that should be used wisely, or else who will take us seriously!
Protect astrology at all costs! Happy retrograde season.