Look, I consider myself a very rational person, but I am absolutely 100% willing to bust out the tin foil hat when it comes to wacky cryptids. I’ve seen way too many monster hunting documentaries on Animal Planet, what can I say? I’m invested.
And now we may finally have an explanation for the Loch Ness Monster. If believe it.
Researchers from New Zealand have spent the past year or so taking samples of environmental DNA from Loch Ness, and then trawling through them to work out what exactly is living in the water. When animals swim around, they drop bits of skin, scales, feathers, fur, and a whole lotta poop into the water. By scooping these out and testing their DNA, scientists can then compare their results to massive databases of animals to work out what’s swimming around in there.
They actually have been using this info to run some pretty legit experiments regarding the biodiversity of the lake, but I’m going to ignore that. Science can wait until we’re done dealing with the potential existence of an ancient sea monster.
The scientists have come to the conclusion that Nessie may be a giant eel. This is bad news for people like me who think that eels are one of the most god-awful creatures to ever grace the planet at their regular size, let alone a massive one. It makes sense though. They found a truck load of eel DNA in the water, so there are certainly a lot of them swimming around. Surely at least one is huge, right?
Adding to the eel theory, the scientists ruled out other theories like giant catfish, giant sturgeon, or giant Greenland shark. Sadly, they also ruled out my favourite theory: the one that says Nessie is the last of the plesiosaurs that lived on after the dinosaur extinction. The scientists found no evidence of any reptiles at all I’m afraid, let alone dinosaurs.
Sightings of the Loch Ness Monster go as far back as the the year 565AD, when an Irish monk was said to have banished a ‘water beast’ back into the lake after it came out and ate a servant. While Nessie has calmed down a bit and quit eating people since then, the sightings have definitely continued.The Official Loch Ness Monster Sightings Register has recorded 14 sightings this year alone, bringing their grand total to 1131 sightings. You’re welcome in advance for the rabbit hole you’re about to go down if you click that link, by the way.
Look, is Nessie an eel? Yeah, most likely. But if every single town in Australia can have a mythical black panther that’s definitely a house cat, then I can have the Loch Ness Monster.
I had a high school science teacher who used to say ‘absence of proof is not proof of absence’. I’m positive he was talking about something like space or chemical reactions, but I’m going to use that saying here. I want to believe.