Owners who let their dogs poop in public spaces and refuse to clean it up are the worst kind of people, period. In an increasingly divided world, it’s nice to find a common enemy, but there is such a thing as going too far in the fight against faeces.
The good ol’ US of A have – as usual – escalated things beyond reason, by enabling angry landlords to get the DNA of their canine tenants on file, in the hope of catching a poop-etrator in the act.
Can you imagine going to university for years to get a degree in forensic science, thinking you’re going to be tracking down murderers, or discovering humanity’s long lost genetic ancestors, only to find yourself centrifuging dog poop for a living? It’s like the worst possible CSI spin-off show – and I do mean worse than CSI: Cyber.
Australians, generally, haven’t yet stooped to this level. However, there is a precendent for it – as much as a decade ago, this technology was being used to prove guilt in dog attacks. So, should you be worried about having your fur baby’s fecal matter subpoenaed sometime in the near future?
Well, dogs have no rights to privacy of their own, but they are covered as personal property. If a landlord did request a sample from you, you could theoretically take up the issue with the state tribunal to defend your right to ‘reasonable peace, comfort and privacy’. Councils can’t really make you give up your doggo’s DNA either. They’d have to prove there’s a danger to public health.
Enacting some kind of draconian dog poop legislation just sounds like such a perfectly 2019 solution, but I implore anyone thinking of following America’s lead to keep believing in basic human decency. Because what does it say about us as a society, if we have to take every neighbourly dispute to the lab?
And to any irresponsible dog owners, who are honestly feeling so attacked right now – just take a poo bag, you mongrel.