Bleats

A Goanna Killed Someone's Poor Doggo, Proving Australia Truly Wants Us Dead

Strewth.

Australia’s got it all: stunning beaches with postcard views, plenty of sun and an abundance of native flora and fauna. But we’re also home to bunch of really dangerous Australian animals who seem to be intent on destroying the human race, and now, our beloved pets.

Watch out. Credit: Giphy

This week, an elderly couple in Queensland were left traumatised after a goanna attacked them while they were walking their dog.

According to The Guardian, the 72-year-old man was left with serious arm and leg injuries, and sadly, the couple’s doggo, a Jack Russell, didn’t survive the ordeal.

A spokesperson for CQ Rescue told the ABC, “the reptile suddenly turned on them, latching onto the man’s right arm and leg as well as biting the woman’s leg.”

Eep. Credit: Giphy

Tucker said the goanna attack was “definitely out of the ordinary,” but this is by no means the first time Australian animals have tried to kill us – and each other. 

Obviously, Aussies are no stranger to the danger of shark attacks, but it’s not just the obvious predators that we should be scared of. Venomous spiders, snakes, jellyfish and ticks have all resulted in deaths, and then there’s the animals that turn on each other.

It’s true. Credit: Giphy

We live in a country where snakes feast on fruit bats, huge birds, kangaroos, goannas, and even crocodiles.

WARNING: Graphic Content

Then there are all the creepy crawlies hiding out under our toilet seats, showers, and even on the wings of airplanes. It seems that nowhere is safe. 

Credit: Twitter

Let this be a lesson: Next time you’re bushwalking and spot a cute little goanna, best leave it alone.

PSA: It's Still Not OK To Joke About Steve Irwin's Death And It Never Will Be

Crikey.

There are few things in this life that will never go down well. Pinching someone’s car spot – dog move. Watching another episode of that TV show without your significant other – not nice. Making jokes about Steve Irwin’s death – a huge no-no. 

Nope. Credit: Giphy

U.S. baseball team the Miami Marlins has been forced to apologise after they posted a tone deaf tweet referencing Irwin’s death during a cheeky social media feud with their rival team the Tampa Bay Rays.

In response to a spicy comment from the Rays, the Marlins tweeted, “YOU’RE LITERALLY THE ANIMAL THAT KILLED STEVE IRWIN LOG OFF.” Resulting in a cringe heard around the world.

Credit: Twitter

The baseball team has since apologised for the joke, writing in a statement, “This was a regrettable exchange by our otherwise creative social media team. Unfortunately, in this medium, sometimes we swing and miss, and this was definitely a miss.”

Credit: Twitter

A spectacular miss at that. Sadly, it’s not the first time the Tampa Bay Rays have found themselves the butt of a bad Steve Irwin joke. In 2013, a fan of the team attended a game holding a poster which depicted the ‘Rays To Do List’ with ‘Steve Irwin’ already crossed off the list. Yikes.

It’s been 13 years since Steve Irwin tragically passed away after being pierced in the heart by a stingray barb while filming an underwater documentary. Since then, Irwin has become a national treasure and a global icon, and it’s because of this that jokes about him will never go down well.

Steve’s legacy lives on. Credit: Australia Zoo via Getty Images

Whether you love him or hate him, the Crocodile Hunter is untouchable. The more time that passes, the more the world celebrates his lasting legacy and the more taking a cheap shot at his death feels tacky and offensive. 

Perhaps it’s best we learn from the above and let the jokes rest in peace. 

The Internet Has Zero Sympathy For This Pro-Gun Tweet About 'Feral Hogs'

A bunch of hogwash.

Let it be known – when two mass shootings occur within 13 hours of each other, resulting in the death of 31 people, literally no one will care about your ‘feral hog’ problem. Or, they’ll turn you into a meme. We are living in 2019, after all.

After mass shootings occurred in El Paso and Dayton, Ohio earlier this week, a social media storm surrounding gun laws erupted.

While there were plenty of people pushing for reform, there was one guy who just couldn’t get past how gun laws would affect his ‘feral hog’ predicament. 

First world problems. Credit: Giphy

Country musician Jason Isbell posted a tweet advocating for the control of assault rifles, and William McNabb (the guy with the hog prob) responded: “Legit question for rural Americans – How do I kill the 30-50 feral hogs that run into my yard within 3-5 mins while my small kids play?”

And I…oop. Credit: Twitter

Cue the crickets.

Umm. Credit: Giphy

McNabb’s question was not only savagely roasted by Twitter users, but birthed a fresh batch hog-related memes, and – let’s be honest – represented the *literal* mental breakdown of those trying to push for real change. 

The subject of the hog memes has since taken to Twitter to explain his comment. “Getting ‘roasted’ means nothing to me – if people want to have a real debate about guns – these are real issues that exist.”

Credit: Twitter

They are real issues, and while the thought of ‘30-50 feral hogs’ guarantees a chuckle, making sure that these tragic events never happen again needs to be the number one priority.

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