Bleats

A Goanna Killed Someone's Poor Doggo, Proving Australia Truly Wants Us Dead

Strewth.

Australia’s got it all: stunning beaches with postcard views, plenty of sun and an abundance of native flora and fauna. But we’re also home to bunch of really dangerous Australian animals who seem to be intent on destroying the human race, and now, our beloved pets.

Watch out. Credit: Giphy

This week, an elderly couple in Queensland were left traumatised after a goanna attacked them while they were walking their dog.

According to The Guardian, the 72-year-old man was left with serious arm and leg injuries, and sadly, the couple’s doggo, a Jack Russell, didn’t survive the ordeal.

A spokesperson for CQ Rescue told the ABC, “the reptile suddenly turned on them, latching onto the man’s right arm and leg as well as biting the woman’s leg.”

Eep. Credit: Giphy

Tucker said the goanna attack was “definitely out of the ordinary,” but this is by no means the first time Australian animals have tried to kill us – and each other. 

Obviously, Aussies are no stranger to the danger of shark attacks, but it’s not just the obvious predators that we should be scared of. Venomous spiders, snakes, jellyfish and ticks have all resulted in deaths, and then there’s the animals that turn on each other.

It’s true. Credit: Giphy

We live in a country where snakes feast on fruit bats, huge birds, kangaroos, goannas, and even crocodiles.

WARNING: Graphic Content

Then there are all the creepy crawlies hiding out under our toilet seats, showers, and even on the wings of airplanes. It seems that nowhere is safe. 

Credit: Twitter

Let this be a lesson: Next time you’re bushwalking and spot a cute little goanna, best leave it alone.

Robert Pattinson Says He Smells Like A Crayon And I Need To Know Which Colour

Another wild yarn from R-Patz.

Robert Pattinson has gained quite a reputation for spinning wild yarns during interviews, but his most recent comments on his body odour have me truly shaken.

In a recent interview with Allure the star of the upcoming The Batman film said, “Lots of people tell me I smell like a crayon.”

The interviewer – understandably bewildered by this statement – then asked, “Like you’re made of wax?”

To which R-Patz responded, “Yes! Like I’m embalmed.”

I have so many questions. What colour crayon does Pattinson smell like? What brand? Is he using lots of crayons? And most importantly, who are these multiple people who are telling him he smells like crayon!? Is that an insult, or a compliment?

It’s not the first time Robert Pattinson’s scent has come up in conversation. Back in 2009, E! News reported that an unidentified source who worked “very closely” with the actor on New Moon said “he stinks.”

“I mean, it’s awful,” the source said. “He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy.”

“He completely reeks,” an unidentified crew member added. Yikes.

It’s been over a decade since then, so we can only hope Robert Pattinson has swapped his lack of showering for an obsession with crayons. 

Speaking of celebrity scents, celebrity tattoo artist Lauren Winzer dishes on what Post Malone smells like on It’s Been A Big Day For…below:

During his interview with Allure, Pattinson was also asked about being recently named the “most handsome man” in the world according to science.

“It’s weird,” he said. “I never was really up for the good-looking-guy roles, because I’ve always been quite awkward when meeting people.”

“My Harry Potter role was a good-looking guy, and it was a shock that it was quite easy to get. And then in Twilight, [Edward is] beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. When I turned up for the auditions, I had done a job where I’d dyed my hair black, because I had an inch and a half of roots, and I had waxed my body. And then I had a few months where I’d been drinking beer all day, so I had this hairless, chubby body. I looked like a baby with a wig on.”

Hairless, chubby, waxed or smelling like a crayon – we’ll take Robert Pattinson any which way.

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